Are you in love?
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Are you in love?
| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 11:47pm |
Are you in love with being in love? Have you ever asked yourself am I sticking in this relationship or am I in love with this person for the fact of being in love? Why are you with the person you are with? If you have to think about it I will ask you to really think am I in love with being in love? Have you ever stuck in a relationship just because you wanted to be in love, wanted to present to your friends and family you were in love though when you two were alone you had doubts or things weren't as good as you put off? Let me know who has been there or if you think you are there and why?



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Am I in love? Yes, absoultely, positively, after 15 months I am still madly in love with my finace.
"Are you in love with being in love?" Nope. But I have been before.
"Have you ever asked yourself am I sticking in this relationship or am I in love with this person for the fact of being in love?" Been there done that.
"Why are you with the person you are with?" Because he is by far one of the most wonderful people I know. He has more character in his little finger then 50% of people have had in their whole lives. I am the absolute best me I can be with him.
"Have you ever stuck in a relationship just because you wanted to be in love, wanted to present to your friends and family you were in love though when you two were alone you had doubts or things weren't as good as you put off?" Many times.
We all want to be loved, it's human nature. So it's no wonder we often fall in love with a person's ptoential, what we think they might become, instead of who they really are. It's no surprise that we "fall in love" so easily because most of us are brought up believing it's bad to have sex with someone we don't love so if a guy turns us on we must be "in love" or have a "connection" right, after all, otherwise it would be "bad" to have sex.
We fool ourselves into believing things that aren't love by any stretch of the imagination are becasue we want so badly to be loved. We try to "make things work", when what we're really doing is trying to make a big square peg fit in a little round hole. We play head games with ourselves and waste a lot of time and energy trying to make ourselves believe things that we know in our hearts are lies things that our instincts often tell us right away aren't good for us.
We try to "make" relationship after relatinship work becasue we feel we are failing if we don't and it hurts our pride to think that person is going to love someone else even if the truth is we didn't love them all that much either. The truth is, unless you are trapped in a pattern of choosing parterns that are out right bad for you (say abusers or drug addicts), when relationship after relationship "fails" it doesn't mean you're failing or that you're making horrible choices. It just means you haven't found a good match yet or that you're not as ready as you think you are to be a good partner yourself.
None of that is anything to be ashamed of or more then marginally upset over. because it happens to EVRYONE. Almost no one finds the perfect mate for life the first time out. It's just a part of the process, we try, we make mistakes, we learn, we try again and make a better choice, it ends we try again... that's just how it goes. And yeah sometimes it hurts, but it always heals and we keep trying until we find the one that works.
The WHY of me being in love with being in love...was simply, I was young and stupid and didn't know any better.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
I totally understand what you're asking and I would say...YES, EXACTLY!!
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Sometimes I truly feel like I am being punished. I have had the worst luck at relationships. I'm 27 and I feel so far behind in life. All I've wanted was to find someone, and yes, be totally in love, get married, have a house, couple kids, dog, etc. That's all I want - but damn I can't even find a quality boyfriend.
So I don't know if I'm in love with being in love, but I definitely miss it.
Like Stef said, when she got into herself and was wanting to focus on having a good time and being her she found it. I will say the guy I am dating now I see more potential in that then in many of the short term mess I have dealt with so far. I wasn't looking for anyone I was just looking forward to starting the summer being single and how I was going to go out and be such a tease. Heck if he didn't just pop up and things just fit. I am very spiritual and figured I'd never find a man that was that way and I would probably have to settle for someone who did not go to church or did not believe what I did. Here this guy is started talking about, has been very open about his past, and how spiritual he is. It has been awesome. Even if this doesn't last but a few months I will say this was a great experience because I was like you, wondering is it that difficult to find a decent guy.
I understand totally!
And you are absolutely right, it wasn't until I got to a point where I was okay with being on my own and being happy with my life all on my own that I found it. As long as you feel like you "NEED" it it isn't going to happen.
I had reached a point where I figured I would probably never get married and I was okay with that. I was going to date and have fun and enjoy my friends and family and a career and if I decided to have kids I'd adopt. And I wasn't giving up sex either.
Which is how I ended up meeting Pete, online at lavalife, looking to hook up with a nice guy that I could hang out with have sex with and see what happened from there. Neither one fo us was lookign for the mate of our dreams, we were just looking to get some and look what we found instead.
Life in general has a funny way of working itself out when you don't try to force it. When instead of trying to "make" things happen you let things happen.
Basically, it's like you're the captain of a boat in a storm. You control the direction but you have to ride it out. If you try to avoid the big waves they'll drown you, but if you go right into them and just ride it, you come out shaken but in one piece, more or less. :)
We don't have much control over life or the people in it. All we can really do is head into the waves and hope for the best and let "God", "the universe", "life force", "nature", "fate", "destiny", whatever... do the rest. More often then not "IT" knows better what we need then we do anyway.
We just steer the boat and try to keep ourselves on track, that's our part, the rest well... I don't pretend to have the answers to that question, but I do know the less I try to "make" my life a certain way and the more I just point it in the general direction I want it to go, the more open I am to what it brings my way, the easier and happier and healthier it becomes. And it requires very little "work" on my part.
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