baby mama drama

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
baby mama drama
6
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 1:05pm
Ok so I hate that phrase. But I don't know what else to call it.
I met this great guy. He's beautiful inside and out. We instantly clicked. I feel like I've known him for years. We dated for three weeks. I mean casually. We would go for drinks or to dinner. Then all of a sudden we are inseperable. I couldn't be happier. Just being near him...And how lucky am I? He has no problem giggling with me about the future, telling me how much he likes me, holding me when I am scared and cry (which is hardly ever), makes me laugh. I don't have anything bad to say about him. We have disagreed on things. We actually talk about it though. And we've tried to fight. It lasts like 30 seconds and then we spend three days telling each other we are sorry. : ) It's so refreshing. I went thru hell with my last boyfriend. Complete hell. But that story ifs for another day.
He's divorced. And there's kids. I have no problem with this. I've been thru it before. If I could choose, I'd choose not to deal with it. It's ok though. He has only been divorced since April. I met him in August. She has recently made my life hell. I am not a mean person. I know I'm not. I love people, i love life. She decided to call me to tell me how horrible he was. I don't really care what she says about him. I love him for him.
She is being physically threatening at this point. Believe me, I am not scared. I would love to take my anger out on somebody. I also think that we have to live with each other. I wished she would chill out. She can accept it or keep playing this. I think we should learn to live with it. He is constantly bothered by her. He's upset and it hurts me to see him like that. And the biggest problem: Ok. I know they have kids together. That's ok. But calling constantly just to yell. Why does he put up with that? I am always beign compared to her. It's in my favor but it leads me to believe that he is always thinking about her. Maybe triying to convince himself.
He is always reassuring me that he is happy with me and I have nothing to worry about. I have this horrible feelign in the pit of my stomach. I am trying ot stay strong. I just can't loose him. Do I have somethign to worry about?
Wow. Did I need to let some of that out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: goo78
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 1:14pm

You have this horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, what is it about? Is it him leaving, still loving her, what? Why are they divorced? Why is she calling you, do you two live together?

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: goo78
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 2:37pm
We don't live together. But we are always together. I don't have any hard feelings against her. This must be hard on her too. I just don't want to be treated like crap. I didn't do anything wrong.
I am not sure why she keeps calling. First she wanted to expose him for the horrible person he was. She left him. And when he finally moved on, she freaked. Well that is what it seems like.
The horrible feeling is him still loving her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: goo78
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 2:44pm

He will always love her because he has children by her. Once you give love you can never get it back. I am sure you have exes you still care deeply for. That is fine but the best I can say is try to remove you from her. If that means not answering his phone when your over and not being around when he goes to get or visit his children. If she is calling you on your home phone you will want to think of blocking her number and since she has began making threats then a restraining order may need to come about. That is not because you’re afraid but so she can get the picture to leave you alone.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: goo78
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:01pm

Hon, a good friend of mine has 3 children and an ex husband. He has treated her so badly (before and after the divorce) that she seriously HATES him. She can't even remember why she loved him in the first place. Love can and does end...I no longer feel love for any of my ex boyfriends and certainly not for my ex husband.

As far as the comparing goes, after 13 years, I STILL favourably compare my current husband to my ex. It's simply about counting my blessings. It's about remembering how miserable I was before and thinking to myself how happy I am now. It's so NOT about justification.

hope this calms your concerns.

PS if she's physically threatening you, get a restraining order issued against her.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: goo78
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 8:57pm

Thank you so much for your input. I really do appreciate it. My last boyfriend was not so nice. I was with him for many years. And we broke up around the same time that my boyfriend now seperated from his wife. It's just we don't have kids together.

You are right about the counting your blesses thing. There are days when I look at this wonderful man and I'll have a flash of what my life used to be. I am so overwhelmed with emotion for him.

I was afraid to love this man. ANd the drama going on was making it an easy excuse to get out. But the truth is that I do love him.

THank you for listening to me. I needed it. : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
In reply to: goo78
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 10:49pm
Hey girl, I completely understand what you are going through, baby mothers just seem to have a big impact on you no matter what.. I can understand about being compared to his ex that is a horrible feeling when you are being constantly compared to someone that he shouldnt even be thinking about, but the fact of the matter is, who is he with.. ??? YOU not her, it sounds like she may still have feelings if she just phones him up to yell at him coz that is unecessary, but at the end of the day who is he in a relationship with, who does he spend his time with, you.. I had a few doubts with my partner at first because of that, but its mad how a man can make you love them even though they have all these complications in there life and it was the last thing that you were looking for. If it does really bother you about being compared you should let him know that thats not fair. Sounds to me that she is jealous and she does in a way have every reason to be- she wants someone that she cant have, and the fact that you two are happy makes it even more reason for her to be jealous and act a fool. And as for her threatning you someone with kids really shouldnt be doing that- sounds like she needs to fix up. Good luck x