Bad timing over and over again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Bad timing over and over again
2
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 5:13pm

I just need your help to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing.. so I don’t do anything I will regret later on.

To make a long story short. I met this guy, Aaron in may and we kept in touch over the summer, even met and were really interested in each other though nothing physical happened. There has just been the right connection since we first met. But he had a girlfriend since over 4 years. Then this thing happened that made me think that he would never break up with her, so I met a new guy, Stephen, and started dating him. Even though I knew from the beginning that he wasn’t a mr. right.
But we’ve been together since, it’s now more than 3 months.
I can’t say I’m in love with Stephen. He’s fun to be with, and I know he cares for me somehow, but we are so different and that special connection just isn’t there.

When Aaron got back to college this fall and saw me and my current guy he got so jealous and confessed all his feelings for me. But now I couldn’t say the same since I was in a relationship. Even though i felt the same way. But we have seen each other at least one night a week just to hang out and chat, and we have confessed that we are both interested in each other and that we would make the perfect couple.
Then Aaron broke up with his girlfriend over a month ago and kept telling me how much he liked me. He wanted to be with me allt the time, but I couldn’t even though he was the one I wanted to be with. But all this time I have stuck to my bf, I don’t know why because I have known all along that this wasn’t going to last, but I just wanted to give it a chance, because I have a friend who had three crappy first months with her bf and then they fell so much in love.

But now the other night me and Aaron were hanging out as usual.. then he told me he and his ex had decided to give their relationship another try. Even though he said it doesn’t feel much better that when they broke up. He also said that all things he has told me this fall were real and that he meant every single word. I was devastated.. when he left I just cried and cried..
I just realized what I was about to loose, that this guy is the best that could ever happen to me.
I can actually see a future for us.

I know I have been acting selfish and stupid, but from the beginning it seems like everything has been against us... the timing hasn’t been right at all. There has always been someone else..
I understand he got tired of me never telling him how I felt and that I never broke up with my bf, and he was lonely and it was easy to go back with his gf. But he still thinks about me such a lot, and said that if that continues he can’t stay with her.

So do you think I should break up with my bf? This isn’t right to him and I just feel so bad.
Do you think there’s any chance this guy Aaron will ever be mine? We went for a walk today and I told him exactly how I feel... he just wished I had said it one week earlier.. but that he isn’t sure about anything with his gf.
We had so much fun today, as ususal.
do you think I should keep seeing him while he makes up his mind or do you think I should leave him alone and let him see how he misses me...
I'm so devastated.. now I know how much this guy means to me and that I don't want any other guy than him.. but is it over now..

I need advice.. please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 8:01am

liz lo...

Pianoguy is gonna make this simple...YOU WANT A MAN YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE!

If Aaron truly cared about you, there would be no other woman in his life. But despite the words he may tell you, SHE'S STILL THERE!

It really doesn't matter if Steven worked out or not. It's obvious that you still had your sights set on Aaron. So any sort of 'a permanent replacement male' is strictly that, a replacement!

Stop fantasizing about a future with Aaron because the only thing you are to him at the moment is the woman he can share his realtionship problems with.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 8:16pm
Alright Liz,
Nothing hurts worse than knowing you missed a really great opportunity. I have a had a lot of experience with "bad timing" (basically the story of my life). From the sounds of it Aaron and his girlfriend aren't going to last. So maybe you can take some heart in that. In my opinion probably the best thing you could do is break up with your current boyfriend and get yourself over that so you're not jumping from one relationship right into another. All I've seen with that sort of stuff is problems. Yeah, I know that's scary because you're leaving something your comfortable with for the icky single life none of us seems to like. Now, if Aaron sees that you are single, he might realize that he has an opportunity and may break up with his girlfriend to see if something will happen with you. Now don't go trying to lay a guilt trip on him by saying you broke up with your boyfriend because of him. It just sounds to me like you're not really into the relationship you're in and sounds like you might have a better shot with Aaron. All you can do is put yourself out there and hope for the best.