BF slept with "best friend"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
BF slept with "best friend"
11
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 7:03pm

My boyfriend (of almost one year) and I took a break a couple months ago. During that time he drove 8 hrs to go visit one of his female friends. They had sex. Soon after she came here for a weekend and they had sex. My boyfriend and I ended up getting back together and was honest about having sex with his friend when I asked him. Although I love him and don't worry about him cheating on me, I have definitely had a hard time getting over him sleeping with her. Her calling/texting him in the middle of the night hasn't helped either. But I talked to him about it and he asked her not to call him late at night. But he still defends her and considers her his best friend. He even admits to telling her about our relationship problems. She has also gotten upset with him for not talking to him as much because he's been spending so much time with me. She wrote him an email a couple days ago saying how upset she is about him getting back together with me without telling her.

I should add a little background on their relationship. They were best friends in high school and dated shortly in college (2-3 yrs ago). She cheated on him.

Are my feelings of discomfort and jealousy justified or should I have gotten past this already? It really irritates me that he is so close to someone he had sex with 2 months ago (as well as when we first began dating). I just don't understand their friendship. Why does he have so much respect for a woman who cheated on him and manipulates him? Obviously my boyfriend has been open with me lately, he hadn't told me much about their friendship before the last week or so (the email, etc). It makes things better knowing what's going on but in a way I don't like how this girl is acting as if she is in a relationship with my BF.




Edited 4/25/2006 7:12 pm ET by alibabab

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 1:26pm

Dear Alibabab:

Reading your post just broke my heart, sweetie! Your boyfriend HAS already cheated on you! And the best friend? She's probably very bonded to him and in love with him. Intimacy for women creates that strong bond. You and she are on equal footing, I suspect, in his mind.

Sweetie, he is in a classic state of what John Gray (mars/venus guy) call uncertainty! And you are in more pain, I'm sure than your post lets on. Honey, you are WORTH a committed and trusting love! My advice is very clear:

1. Tell your boyfriend he has broken your trust and have the courage to walk away from him. If he follows, he's got a lot of growing up to do to commit to your relationship.

2. Begin dating other guys. And do not become physically intimate until you are in an emotionally trusting place.

3. Leaving him will cause you pain, this I know. But you will be demonstrating to YOU how highly you value and rate yourself. Coming to this awareness takes you from being someone else's low hanging fruit to being the highest apple on the tree. Only the best and most able of men will even try to reach for you!

I hope you will begin to see how devaluing this mixed up relationship is and will start working toward the relationship that you CAN and SHOULD have. Best wishes!!

beyondmeasure

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