the big "L" word

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
the big "L" word
10
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 10:41am

Okay so girls, I was just wondering here.... HOw long where you in your relationship w/ your boyfriend or husband before you exchanged your first "i love you"
Did you say it first or did he? Was it how you imagined? Where you suprised?
Tell the story of your first 'i love you'
hehe
Thanks girls

Mine:
well, we have yet to say it. which is why i'm inquiring this question. i hate asking "how long should you wait" instead i think examples are cuter and more accurate. IMO, I know that one of us will say it when the timing is perfect. And i know, if i end up saying it first, (which i prolly will cuz he doesn't talk about his emotions a lot), that it will be reciprocated. I'm sure.. but still scared (everyone has those insecurities of not being loved back)that he won't 'be there yet'

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 11:45am

My fiance and I had been dating about 2-2 1/2 months when I went to visit my grandparents. The night I came back I went to his place and he started to say something and he had this look on his face and I just knew he had almost said "I love you", but when I asked him about it all he'd say is, "You're not ready to hear it yet."

At first I was pretty stunned and then I got thinking about whether or not I was ready. A couple of weeks later he was leaving my place to go to work and I said it. I can't even remember exactly what he said back. Knowing him soemthing cocky like, "I know."

Three of the longest days of my life later we were talking on the phone while he was driving back from base and he said, "I love you so much." It was worth the wait to hear it. Because I knew he knew that he meant it.

Personally, I say if you feel it, say it. Keeping it inside wont make it hurt any less if it doesn't work out. At least you'll know you put it all out there. One less "What if."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2003
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 12:07pm
Well, the first time my boyfriend said he loved me, we had both had a couple of beers. But sometimes, maybe that's what helps it come out because you are both pretty scared because you don't know what each other is thinking...if it's too fast or if they just aren't feeling it. After that, I was a little shocked and didn't know what to say or do. He had left me this sappy message telling me how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and such. This was about 3 months in to it, but we had done a lot of "connection time" when we got to know each other and we just knew how we felt. After that night, he didnt say it for awhile and I didn't bring it up either, but than one night we had gotten in a big fight and he said it and I finally said it back. He said that he thought I knew, which is how guys are...they think we just know how they feel and they don't like talking about it. Now that we're on a little break (Don't worry we still actually love each other, I just need to finish with school and get situated with my life before I can start a life with someone else) we still talk and say "I love you" a lot more than we used to. I'm not suggesting go out and get drunk so he'll say it, but it's kind of just like the first time you have sex....not what was in your dreams. Don't get all wrapped up in when he's going to say it, just enjoy the moment...and trust me even if the moment doesn't feel right, anytime is a good time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 8:10pm

My bf and I were together for about 2 months when he left town for a week. We talked nearly every night and were missing each other like crazy. On the night before he was coming home, he sent me a text message that read "I love you and can't wait to see you!" Well, this was about 2 AM and I was sleeping. So I picked up my phone to get the text message and BOLTED upright at the L word (a very happy kind of bolt). So the next night, when he was home, I very nervously aksed him about the text message. I suspected he was partying with the boys, so maybe he didn't even remember. He gave me a very cute beat-around-the-bush don't-want-to-be-rejected speech about, in general, how do people know if its too early to talk about love and how it can make both people very uncomfortabe if its not reciprocated. So, I pondered his response in silence for a few minutes and, as he welcomed me into his arms, said "you know I love you, right?" He was clearly surprised and happy, but he totally left me hanging! So, I told him I was scared of it not being reciprocated too (hint, hint), and he told me I was crazy to be scared, of course he loved me.

I had known it for a while, and had wanted to tell him earlier, but I was scared of the awkward moment that had the potential to follow. Had he not sent me that text message, I would have told him soon anyway - I was busting at the seams! The only guide is when it feels right I think. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 4:58pm

Well, it was very interesting. I broke up with him because my feelings were stronger. I ended up writing him a letter telling him that I loved him and because of that we needed no contact (this was after a face to face discussion).

Just 3 weeks ago we got back together (after 4 months break) and things are very good. I told him my feelings haven't changed. He hasn't said it to me yet and I am fine with that. I can see that things are going very well. He has made a few changes and listened to what I needed in our relationship. I'm not rushing anything at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 5:29pm

The first time he told me he loved me was after three months. He wrote it to me in a note. Everything he said made me wanna cry. I'll give you guys a summary. I still remember even though he told it to me three years ago.

I wish I could be around you more so that I could love you more. I think it's too late to tell you I'm falling in love with you. I'll never let go of your hand and I'll cherish every moment we spend together. I don't see myself going anywhere without you.

:) I remember seeing him the next day and he was so nervous. I made a mistake though b/c I didn't know what to do. I love him with all my heart, but I just couldn't say it. At the time I couldn't. Our relationship only lasted for a month after that, but the love never ended. If you read the post that's titled "he still thinks we're 16..." then you'll know my story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 1:20am
It was six-months into it when I said it. I said it, praying that I would NOT hear those words in reply. And I didn't. I said it because it was (and is) what I feel (and it took me two months to come to terms with my feelings) and knowing that I didn't want to hear it back. I want to hear it from him when he's ready to look me at me and say it freely!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:53am

I'll try to make this short!! I met my bf 5 days after he returned from his first deployment to iraq, and we fell love fast, but back then it was too soon to say anything. Suddenly, he was deployed to a scary place, didn't want to hurt me by leaving (and possibly not coming back) and he quickly withdrew from the relationship. I was shocked and hurt, and when he stopped calling altogether, I tried and tried to forget about him. 10 months went by. Then, last october, I went to a concert in my college town, knowing it was his favorite singer, but I didn't think he'd be there because I didn't even know if he was back in the US. But he was and it was crazy feelings all over again. We had many convos about how hurt/angry I was and how sorry he was and what exactly happened 10 months before, and he told me he was going to be deployed one more time. But I knew I had been searching for him for the last 10 months, and I couldn't ever really forget about him, so I decided to stay with him through the third and final deployment. On the last free weekend before my semester break (and his month-long home assignment before deployment), we went to church where I volunteer and one of the 13 year old girls decided to be funny and tell him that I love him. I pretended not to hear at the time but I was a mess inside. Later that day, outside a restaurant, I was telling him how scared I was about the deployment and asking about where he thought we were going once he got back. We needed some privacy so we went to the back side of the restaurant (i know what you're thinking...it's classy being right next to the dumpsters) and he said, "I think i'm falling in love with you." And I'm like, he thinks!?!?! But I said I was too and then a truck came around the corner and interrupted us. He thought it was his friends so he flipped them off and it turned out to be an old couple!!! It was so funny and sooo typical. I love remembering it :)

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 2:08am

6 months. We were on vacation together for the first time. Something I ate for dinner disagreed with me, and I ended up having... um... really smelly gas. It was really embarrassing. And then I just couldn't get to sleep that night because I was so worried what he must be thinking of me. Maybe around 3 AM he woke up and saw I couldn't sleep, so he got me out of bed and decided to teach me yoga to help me fall asleep. Didn't work. He kept asking me if something was worrying me and keeping me up. I told him that I was worried about having gas before. He thought I was kidding, but I actually wasn't, and he just was not getting it. So finally I just sort of blurted out "I want you to love me!" he looked at me really intensely and said "I DO love you." then he kind of clapped his hand over his mouth and said "I can't believe I just said that." apparently he'd made this whole elaborate plan to say it on the last night of the trip. (he didn't want to say it earlier because it would ruin the whole vacation if i didn't say it back.)

Trust me, I'm so glad it happened by accident. Some cliche walk-on-the-beach-at-sunset romance novel scene would not have been nearly as memorable!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 1:40pm

I have only been in my new relationship about two months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 7:18pm
I have to admit I said it first. We had a bet. Whoever said it first had to cook supper for the other person. I tried not to but he was just ssssooooo sweet one night I broke and told him that I loved him.
Denise

Denise

Loving and devoted wife to Bryan!!!