boyfriend avoiding me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
boyfriend avoiding me?
2
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 8:16pm

Okay here is the story,

My boyfriend of 10 months and I finally had sex this weekend, it was great. Just to give you an idea of how we met, we work together in the same company. Anyways he has been stressed with work with a major deadline coming up in the next week. So he came over to my place friday night and he was tired and stressed from a long work week, we had sex . Now when monday came along, he never sent me an email like he usually does during the day to, see if I wanted to join him for lunch and today I ran into him and he just said "Hi how are you doing?" . He look stressed and like there is a lot on his mind. But I can't help but think it's because we had sex. I'm also to worried that we are going to break up. Since he started this new project we hardly spend any time together and his attitude changed a lot, and he more distant than normal. I'm leaving in 10 day for my parents for the holidays and I'm worried that I will leave for the holidays and we won't be speaking to each other.

Is there anything I could do to make things right again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:13pm

I don't think sex changed anything but your expectations. It's probably intensified some feelings however - which aren't facts, so don't get them confused.

Basically, you two don't sound as if you connect very seriously. IT sounds as if you both utilize one another's company when you're tired or bored, or want some distraction from the constant stress of work.

That's why having sex hasn't been that high of a priority. It's not been overly discussed - although perhaps on your or his part - seriously avoided.

But sex is just a tension release value and a physical gratification outlet, if both partners are skilled in the sexual department. Otherwise its a tension builder, with little physical enjoyment which brings on anxiety.

I don't think he's "avoiding" you.......I think he's probably doing precisely what he always does when he's stressed - he ignores you. But now that you've had sex you expect more prioritization or ocnsideration - and you're not going to get it.

I don't wnat an answer...but it's something to ask yourself, and discuss with him. Why was "not" having sex what you two were doing? Was it because you both or one of you didn't want to until there was commitment - and someone confused involved for a set period of time with commitment? Or was it because one or both of you would expect more involvement or commitment as a result of this "big physical step".

But I don't think he's avoiding you - I think you're expecting more as a result of sex. So his acting like normal - now seems like avoidance.

The sex doesn't guarantee or solidfy or create anyting that didn't already exist.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 11:10pm

He isn't acting like normal. Before work became complicated we would spend a of time talking and spending the weekends together all the time. But this month for him he has a huge project that takes up most of his time, he is managing a software project and it's not going as planned. The reason we waiting so long for sex was because it was my first time. I'm currently 21 years old and he was my first.

I had a brief discussion with him tonight about stuff in general and he seemed more annoyed that I called him to talk. I'm hoping it's just stress and that it will go away.

Part of me still wonders if this is the end. Yes in the past when we were dating I was always wishy washy, about the relationship and always ask if he was happy and if he wants to see other people. But that was more for the fact that I never could believe he "loved me". Because of past relationships that I've had .

The more I think aobut it the more I think it's sort of my way to find a reason to get out and I don't know why.