Boyfriend might be Cheating??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2009
Boyfriend might be Cheating??
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:02pm

So i really need some opinions about something so here it is . . .

I think my boyfriend might be cheating on me. He always told me that he never would that he would break up with me before he would do that. i seriously don't know what to thing right now. We also live together so i see it because its in my face. So he has this girl co-worker and they are friends (at least what he tells me) no problem i don't care but here are my reasons why i think more is going on then what I'm being told . . . .

1. The go eat lunch together and not just go grab lunch and go back to work, like go get lunch and go to a Park and eat together then go back to work (okay so not really a big deal)

2. Last weekend he planned a boys night out well here i found out that only 2 boys went out and that was him and his brother (now we share a car & its in mine name) i asked him to stay in the area but instead he goes 20 minutes to where he works to go to a bar? (questionable)

3. She Calls him and Texts him (i found out b.c she texted him when i was playing a game on his phone) seems like on a daily basics because i saw one that said to call her at 9 to make sure she's up he drops me off at work at 8:30? (questionable)

4. He got done working at 12 last night but didn't get home till 20 minutes after 1?

5. He can have Girls that are friends but he prefers i don't have any guy friends

6. When i need the car he gets a little huffy about it. starts asking me questions like why i need it and things like that.

Maybe I'm just being stupid but my X cheated on me many times and idk when it comes to this i get weird out and start wondering. I do trust him but i don't trust other girls and with this i don't. if i cant have guys that are friends why does he have to have girls that are friends?? when i ask him he says I'm jealous and he wouldn't cheat on me. If you have a girlfriend why would you do all those things with another girl. Sh*t i only see him Sat & Sun because M-F I work daylight and he works 2nd shift.

Need Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:37pm

"I think my boyfriend might be cheating on me. He always told me that he never would that he would break up with me before he would do that"
Yup, everyone says that... Everyone. Rarely does it happen that way.

I'm worried especially about the double standard he has imposed on you. I don't think you should accept that. A relationship can't have that kind of nonsense and still be good. I can't tell you if his contact with this other girl is inappropriate or if he's cheating because you would know better than I and it's up to you to determine whether or not you'll deal with it. I just know I would have left the relationship by now. It's hard to live together and have uncertainties like wondering why he comes home an hour and a half after he gets off of work. Have you asked him about any of this? How long have you been dating?

This one doesn't smell right to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 10:28am

I don't think you have solid proof yet that he is cheating but it doesn't sound like he is being 100% honest with you either. And the fact that he doesn't want you to have guy friends but he has this

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2009
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 9:13pm

Oh my gosh....Is he cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 10:20am

Jesus that sounds like my ex BF. First off a real man wouldn't do that too his GF, and second you are putting up with WAY too much BS from this looser

My ex would blame everything on me, and make me think like it was my fault or I was jealous. The problem here is that if he's not physically cheating, he's definitely emotionally cheating. This one is too controlling, and has issues. Your "radar" is completely right on this one and I think you need to take whatever is yours and dump this looser. This so called relationship is NEVER going to work, and it's him...not you. Regardless if he's cheating or not, his behavior is unacceptable, and it's time to dump him and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 3:32pm


Welcome to the board! I know it must be nervewracking to think that the bf you love and live with would do something so terrible to you. But I think you actually may be on to somehting here.

Why does he constantly need the car? What takes him so long to get home from work(is it distance)? Why is she texting him about what time he is dropping you off at work?

TBH, there may not be anything physical going on, but even if its emotional it could be damaging. Why would you want to be with someone that is giving attention to another female when it should be you?

Live, I think you need to let him know how you feel. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable about their friendship because you are concerned that it may turn out to be something more. If he respects your feelings then he will stay away. If not, then you need to decide what you are going to do from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 12:49pm

In my opinion, there is definitely reason for you to be suspicious. It is fine to be friendly with a coworker, but there's a fine line that shouldn't be crossed and your boyfriend is definitely crossing the line. It's very inappropriate for him to go out to lunch with her (just the two of them) and for her to be texting/calling him for things that are clearly not work-related. Why does he have to be her personal alarm clock?

You definitely need to talk to him and tell him you're not comfortable with the situation. Don't accuse him of cheating though, because you don't have concrete proof. Have you ever met this girl or know much about her (like if she has a boyfriend)? If not, why don't you suggest a double date, or at least have the three of you get together so you can see for yourself. Just seeing the two of them interact when you're around will tell you all you need to know. If they act uncomfortable and nervous when you're around, there's definitely more going on than you think.

And the next time he gives you an attitude about the car, just tell him if it bothers him that much that you need to use YOUR car, he can go and get his own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 3:34pm

You've already received some good advice from the others, but I wanted to share these links with you, too, to give you some more food for thought, and they may be helpful to you:

32 Emotional Signs That He's Cheating

Why You Don’t Have to Have Sex to Cheat

Trust Issues: When His Ex Is a Factor

Another woman wants my man!