boyfriend puts me down about my weight
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boyfriend puts me down about my weight
| Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:22pm |
My boyfriend and I just came back from the store and I bought a candybar. On the way back he drove fast and yelled and swore because I bought the candybar. He said "do you wonder why you haven't lost any weight?" When we pulled into the driveway, he said "its all going to go right here" and he patted my stomach (meaning the fat is going to circulate around my stomach). He had bought me a package of crackers when we were in the store and he refused to give them to me because I bought the candybar. We were visiting friends a few minutes ago and my friend's little girl ate part of my candybar and my boyfriend laughed and called it karma because she ate it. He said it as if I did something really horrible because I bought a chocolate bar.
I'm 25 years old and I don't need to be disciplined like a child and it hurts me that he treats me like this. I feel like crying and I don't know what to do. I've talked to him about this and he usually turns the tables on me like its my fault that he's talked to me like this.
When I was very thin he treated me well and I never thought he would be this kind of person and I never thought he would be like this towards me or talk to me this way. He used to treat me like a lady and then when I gained the weight six months ago he's changed towards me a little bit at a time. It wasn't all at once, his attitude gradually turned into this and now its getting pretty bad.
Other men tell me I'm beautiful but my boyfriend doesn't ever since I'm gained weight. I worry he doesn't unconditionally love me or accept me. My worse fear is that I'm going to lose weight and have my body back and he's going to treat me well again. Its a fear because then it will tell me he's superficial and that the reason he will be good to me is not because he loves me but because I'll look good again.
I don't know what to do.
I'm 25 years old and I don't need to be disciplined like a child and it hurts me that he treats me like this. I feel like crying and I don't know what to do. I've talked to him about this and he usually turns the tables on me like its my fault that he's talked to me like this.
When I was very thin he treated me well and I never thought he would be this kind of person and I never thought he would be like this towards me or talk to me this way. He used to treat me like a lady and then when I gained the weight six months ago he's changed towards me a little bit at a time. It wasn't all at once, his attitude gradually turned into this and now its getting pretty bad.
Other men tell me I'm beautiful but my boyfriend doesn't ever since I'm gained weight. I worry he doesn't unconditionally love me or accept me. My worse fear is that I'm going to lose weight and have my body back and he's going to treat me well again. Its a fear because then it will tell me he's superficial and that the reason he will be good to me is not because he loves me but because I'll look good again.
I don't know what to do.

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I agree with other posters, you need to talk to a counselor about the depression. I've been an emotional eater and still struggle with it from time to time. You need to find out what works for you to combat the depression.
Secondly I also agree with the poster who said to sit him down and talk to him. You need to let him know that when he says those things to you (give an example), it hurts your feelings and helps to spur on poor food choices. I do have a caveat, though. Asking someone (and especially a guy) to be "supportive" is only mildly helpful. He may already think he is being supportive. Offer examples of what "support" means to you. Is that merely biting his tongue? Is it setting up a time for you two to take walks together? It may not be that he wants to be hurtful, but he really and honestly may not know what you need from him.
If you tell him what you need and he isn't motivated to be a positive factor in your health/weight loss, than you have a clear indication about what his values are.
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