Boyfriend wants to get married? Or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Boyfriend wants to get married? Or not?
6
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 10:46am

Hello,


So my boyfriend is sort of confusing me.We openly talk about getting married one day and generally we both seem to be on the same page with things.However sometimes I think he himself gets a little confused....about a month ago we went to vancouver for a week,we had a great amazing time, we loved it there and have decided together that next August we'll move there.With him being a chef there are alot more opportunities out there than where we live now.Anyways,he is an amazing boyfriend and its clear in his actions and words hes ready to settle down.Thats fine with me.The thing is one minute he'll talk about getting married then the next he'll say something that makes it sound like, no, were not at that point yet to be thinking about it or talking about it.Like when we decided we were moving to vancouver he said "That should be a big enough hint that I want to get married". And he's always telling me he only wants me,Iam it for him,he wants to grow old with me.....etc.However anytime a commercial on tv comes on about engagement rings or things like that he says don't get any ideas just yet.And when we were in vancouver we went into tiffanys...there was a necklace I wanted to look at, he said the same thing, "don't get any ideas". So Iam kind of confused.I can tell hes ready to settle down,in the way he talks,the things he does....but he's confused me. Does he want to get married or not? maybe he's just unsure...any advice?

Hollie

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 11:24am

Maybe he isn't financially ready to buy a ring?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 11:37am
Thanks for your response, you make a good point.I never thought of that! Now that you say that, that makes sense.The only time he does make comments about my not getting any ideas is around a jewellery store or things like that.Financially,yes he isn't quite capable of buying a ring, given we are saving our money now for christmas, and then for vancouver next august.

Hollie

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 1:36pm

That's probably what it is. My hubby proposed to me

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2009
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 9:11am

Saying the two of you will be together in Vancover is not necessarily an indicator that he wants to get married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 12-11-2009 - 2:13pm

I can kind of see myself in your boyfriend's shoes. I do want to know if my boyfriend sees marrying me, because I see marrying him. We'll hint at it or joke, "sooner or later we'll look up to realize that we've been married for 10 years!" But neither of us are even remotely ready to even plan or act upon that. Sometimes it's comforting to know that the relationship is going in a positive direction. But doing anything about it is super scary.

Just now we're talking of living together, but the meaning behind actually living together is more scary (we both indicated it was a precursor to marriage).

So my suggestion is to you, talk to your boyfriend about what he sees in his future. What does living together mean to you and to him? Talk to him. Does he feel that living together is a precursor for marriage? Does he want to try out living with you to see how you would be as his wife? Or does he just want to share rent with someone? Or does he just want to keep dating you and live together and has no idea what 2 years will bring?

Also ask if he sees himself married after 1 year, 2 years, 10 years? When does he envision being married by (same for you)? Someone mentioned being more financially secure. My boyfriend thought he was supposed to settle down at age 30, but when he hit 30 he realized he doesn't see it for another 3-5 more years.

So rather than being a passive partner in this (aka by sitting back and trying to read his clues), take some initiative and talk about what kind of expectations you have and what he has too. I highly recommend this before living together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Fri, 12-11-2009 - 8:06pm
Thanks for the responses.I told him he was confusing me and that I sometimes didn't know if he wants to get married or not,he said he's not serious when he says don't get any ideas,and that he does want to get married within the next couple of years.Not anytime soon,but eventually.As far as moving to vancouver,he said that should be a hint in the sense that generally a couple doesn't move cross country to live permanently unless there relationship is a sure thingand there both 100% committed,which I agree with.

Hollie

Hollie