Boyfriend wants too much freedom?
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Boyfriend wants too much freedom?
| Mon, 07-25-2005 - 11:01pm |
I really need some advice from anybody willing to help. I have written recently about my b/f(who until a few weeks ago was my fiance, until he decided he wanted the ring back after a fuss). We have been living apart for about two weeks (we lived together for 8 months but had to leave due to money situation and me being in school) and I am already about to go crazy.We only see each other once or twice a week. I miss him so much b/c I am used to him being there every day. He on the other hand is as happy as he can be living with his dad again an hour away from me. It doesn't make sense that he says he loves me and wants to be with me but then when it comes down to it, he always has other plans that don't include me. He would rather be doing anything than seeing me it seems. He gets mad and says that I am too needy and should just relax because he loves me so much and he's not going anywhere, but how can I when he doesn't act like he wants to spend time with me. We have been fussing b/c he doesn't want to see me but maybe once a week, and last night he told me that he doesn't think he wants to marry me anymore b/c we have only been apart two weeks and we are already fussing. So I said that there is no point in us being together so we should break up and he says that isn't the way he wants it and that we will talk tomorrow about it. Well tonight he never called me. When I called, his dad said he was already in the bed. Which means that I probably won't get to see him my one day this week b/c we havent made plans to get together. Does he really want to end this or do you think I am pushing him away by wanting to spend time with him? On the other hand, why doesn't he ever want to see me? Do you think I am being too needy for wanting at least his weekends since I can't see him during the week. I'm so confused. Please help me.

I think your BF got cold feet and that's why he's trying to avoind the "let's get together again" conversation. He may be thinking in a way to let you know that it's over, but easily. He's moved out to his dad's and asked for the ring back, he's making plans with his pals and seeing you a few days a week. He's told you that he might not want to marry you because of the fuss going on during the two weeks you've been separated. He tell you he loves, YET he doesn't behave like you're a priority in his life.
I think this guy is just not going to marry you and instead of telling the truth he's making excuses. In your place, I wouldn't call him again and just let him call you. Are you sure you want to marry a man like this? He's making excuses and telling you something, BUT doing something different. If this is dating, imagine when married.
Yeah, this whole situation definitely sounds very fishy. He doesn't seem to want to be with you and you can't believe words when they're conflicting with the actions. He seems to definitely have changed his mind and is telling you in the most nonconfrontational way. Which isn't fair to you, but is easiest for him.
And as for the weekends, if that's the only time you have together and he really loved you, then he would probably not make plans with anyone else as much as possible so he could spend that time with you. And if he had to make plans, they would include you.
My bf and I have completely different work schedules (I wake him up for work when I get home at 6pm, and he wakes me up for work at 730am- right before he goes to sleep.)He has changed his work schedule to never include any weekends, and then that is our time. Anything that he has to do during the weekend, he'll make sure that I can go too. This has never been a problem or cause for complaining from him (and I don't have to ask him to do this.) It is his choice and he always looks forward to it. And should something come up that he needs to do- he'll always ask me if I'd be willing to go with him, and if I don't want to, he'll usually plan it during the week to keep our time together.
Good luck! Try to stay strong if he has decided it's over.
Honey, take it from a guy who knows. Your BF got cold feet. It could be because of anything at this point. Maybe he's telling the truth and it's over because of your spats you two have, or maybe for some other reason. I don't want to scare you, but if he's not spending hardly any time with you, there's a good chance there's somebody else in his life. (not for sure, but quite possible) Sorry, of course it's not for sure, but guys have hormones and they act on those hormones. If he's not with you he can't be "getting any" from you, which means there's a good chance he's gettin' it from somebody else. He's just a chicken to say so. Again, maybe I'm wrong, but at least consider the possibility.
I guarantee this guy not only doesn't appreciate you, but he thinks you aren't going anywhere. He thinks he has you wrapped around his finger and thinks he can always come back to you and you'll take him back. My advice is the hard road for you babe: Leave him, and leave him now. You'll cry a lot and it'll be hard not to call him and be with him, but if it's meant to be he'll come back to you once he's realized he doesn't have you anymore. Even then I wouldn't take the jerk back, but that'll be up to you. I'm not saying you need to play a game here, just accept the fact that he's a jerk, accept the fact that he's moving on, accept the fact that he is lying to you, and accept the fact that there is no longer anything you can do about it.
To all women out there: If you want to know if a guy is lying, watch his actions, not his words. Ladies, actions speak louder than words, and if his actions don't follow his words, then you know he's lying. Yes he'll come back and beg for your forgiveness, but if he keeps producing the same behavior, how many times can you forgive him? Stop listening to his elaborate excuses. The excuses are lies, which means he is now lying about lying to you. How does that feel? Men and women are both very capable of this. I've seen women do the same and worse, but this guy is totally afraid of telling you the truth because he doesn't want all of what he's done to you on his conscience. He doesn't want to see the pain on your face when he tells you. He's not a man if he can't at least tell the truth to your face.
He's maybe not a player, but he's been acting like one and needs to know he doesn't have you anymore. He needs to feel like you are truly gone, once that idea hits him, he will have to make a choice if he wants you back, or if he doesn't. If I were you I'd dump him, and move on to find somebody better. Honey, you deserve better, so why settle for table scaps from this punk? I know it's hard to imagine life without a guy you almost married, but if it's meant to be and he truly loves you, he'll find you once you've left him and have found yourself. If he doesn't love you he wasn't worth the tears you cried for him. Think of all the heart aches you have avoided then by leaving him early instead of letting him drag this relationship on and on through the mud, torturing you in the process. I promise it will all work out for the best in the end. If you follow your heart but maintain self respect (don't let him walk all over you and dictate your actions through manipulation), I promise you'll find the true love of your life and be far happier then you ever were with this guy. I know you can't see it now, but it's true. Matter of fact you'll wonder what you saw in him anyway to begin with. Good luck!
YES......just let him go.
he needs space?? give him ALL the space.
let him go.
PLEASE do not call him.
i have been there...several years ago, with a guy who needed LOTS of space, and who always sidestepped the question about our future. even after 3 years together. i still kept lingering around him, cried a lot. i should have known. but silly me, so much in love, and wanting to be tolerant, and compromising, and patient, and what not. i stuck to him. ofcourse, i had NO experience with guys, and he was my first. now i know better. and yes, we were surely physically intimate, and can we say that THAT was what he wanted from me? *shudder* and finally, when i unfortunately had to move away one fine day to my parents place 2 hours away, he told me on the PHONE that he cannot marry me. GOD.
let him go...and save urself all that mental and emotional torture of "waiting" for him.
as the previous poster said, when he knows u r gone, it's upto him whether he wants to come back or not. if he does, then it will be upto you. and i would not take him back, unless he knows where he is messing up and truly wants to nurture what you both share.
get busy in ur life.
take care..!