Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...
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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...
| Fri, 04-14-2006 - 5:51pm |
I have been dating "B" for almost two months. I know I want to end the relationship. "B" is showing that he has a bad temper and is very controlling. I have asked him not to get so upset over "little" things and told him that I am not comfortable when he can't control his temper (throwing his hands/fists around, swearing, slamming things, etc). However, nothing has changed and I'm not out to try to change him. I haven't talked to him for the last couple days and am having a very hard time trying to figure out what to say. If I tell him its just not working out I'm sure he'll ask why, but I don't want him to get defensive and upset when I tell him it's because of his temper...I don't want to play the "blame game." If anyone has any advice on what I should/could say it would be greatly appreciated. My biggest fear is that he won't take "I don't want to see you anymore" for what it is and will try to talk me into staying with him. Please help... Thanks in advance!! ~M

I think that the best thing to do would be to say that after dating for a couple months, you just don't think the two of you are right for each other and you've decided that you don't want to see him anymore. I would not get into specifics and I'd do it over the phone just in case--you can't be too careful.
Have a friend come and sit with you while you do it so you will be less likely to be drawn into a "discussion" with him. Just state your piece, let him know that while you're sorry it didn't work out, you enjoyed getting to know him and you wish him the best. If he starts to try to change your mind, just say that your decision is firm, and if he keeps going, you may need to just hang up on him. You might even have your friend stay over just in case.
Good luck, I know this isn't easy but you're doing the right thing.
Sheri
I agree with Sheri ... only I'd say do it in person ... in a public place, like a park or take a walk with him. I only say this, on doing in person and in public because ... he's going to be less likely to lose him temper in public ... as well as less likely, IMO, to want to SEE YOU to talk it out. Do it in person, he wont be as inclined to keep calling you, wanting to see you or whatever. Total "case closed!"
As for << My biggest fear is that he won't take "I don't want to see you anymore" for what it is and will try to talk me into staying with him. >>
Well, if you know this is what you want ... he can try to talk you out of it until he's blue in the face. But, you stick to what you know is best for you and say "I'm asking that you RESPECT my decision."
As for what to say, I'd just say something along the lines of "I've enjoyed but ... I think we're too different for this relationship to go any further." You don't have to get into details on his temper. He KNOWS he has a temper. He doesn't need for you to point it out. It's up to him to get a handle on it (and likely, this isn't the first time someone has broken up with him for this reason).
If he presses for details on your differences, just say "I'm just a more mellow person" ... don't make it about him or it will likely put him on the defensive. Just keep it about YOU, your needs, your reasons.
Good luck!
Good for you for making the call and standing your ground...I'm sure it wasn't easy to do.
No, you're not wrong for not answering his calls. If he continues to call, blocking him might be a good idea (if that's possible--if he's calling your cell it may not be possible, but if it's your home phone, it may be).