Breaks up, the, calls and emails

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Breaks up, the, calls and emails
4
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 4:04pm

HI Folks,

So my guy broke up with me last night. We've been at that "should we shouldn't we have a relationship" stage for a couple months. I can tell he cares about me and likes me a great deal. He decided we shouldn't continue sexually. We get along just swimmingly and his stated reasons were that we work together occasionally, and he is my senior at work. It isn't against the work place's policy, it is a moral issue for him he will be asked to evaluate me sometimes. I was level headed and not emotional with him about it, accepted his decision without a fuss and wished him well.

Today he's emailed twice, first thing in the morning and he used his pet name for me, then 2 hours later to invite me over with friends for thanks giving. I didn't reply. I was busy at work and just felt I needed a little space. So at 12 noon on the nose he calls and makes sure I got the invitation to thanksgiving dinner. He asked how I was doing, I said okay and told him about some good unrelated news I had. I asked how he was and he said he was sad. :( . I told him chin up, let's try this for a while then talk about it.

So why does this guy go from Mr.All-Businiess to Mr. Needy so fast? I thought women were supposed to be the moody ones!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 9:46pm

Hey Uber,
Seems he doesn't want a relationship, but still wants the closeness and comfort of a "girlfriend" figure.

I've done it myself ... but just don't understand how we women let our hearts be broken and then turn around and say "OK" when the guy throws out a tidbit. I guess we always think that things will change....

Just one woman's opinion (that I hope would save you years of heartache) ... say no. No to the Thanksgiving invite, no to the pet names, etc. If he truly values you, he will realize what he's lost, and come back with greater value and respect for you. Otherwise you just flounder around in his confused world for a very long time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 7:59am
Well said. Would have taken me three times the space to say more or less the same thing. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 8:05pm
all wrong there kiddo!! i've learned that women are definitely NOT the moody ones...men have their own time of the month where they say things they don't mean & act like they would rather not be your SO or DH........only to return a few hours or days later with an apology or "i'm sorry acts"...mine does it all the damn time & we've only been married for going on six months...hate the back & forth emotions of it all...truly like a rollercoaster...don't know if i can put up w/it forever or how i will eventually learn to deal w/it?? or if any of it's worth it?!...guess you can really take nothing they say too seriously or you will just end up wanting to break something...possibly over their head...good luck w/yours...
laurel ")
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 5:12pm
I agree with the whole not going to Thanksgiving dinner thing. He can't have you as he wants you. It's either all of you or none. Don't allow yourself to be a part of his confusion. Of course it's easier said than done but take care of your own heart b/c if you don't no one else will. His behavior is not fair to your emotions. funny to hear me say that b/c this message board has had to literally drill that into my head lol