Is This a Bunch of BS?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Is This a Bunch of BS?
22
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 12:06pm

As I gossiped with friends over drinks the other night, they

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 12:38pm

I agree with you, I would live with someone before I married them, because you do learn alot about a person. I lived with my daughters father for 4 yrs and I never relized what kind of person he was until I lived with him. I would NEVER get married to someone that I have never lived with.

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 12:40pm

I too have heard this before and wondered how true this is....

I have been dating my bf for 3+ years now...he has his own apt and I still live at home...we live in different towns about 40 minutes apart...as a result, I end up staying with him quite a bit, especially on the weekends...in the past 6 months, I have been basically living with him...only going home once every other week or so...it has really given us a chance to learn each other that we would not have otherwise...especially since it is such a small apt that we often say that if we can live there together in peace, that we should be able to live anywhere together...the disadvantage to our situation, is that it is still "his" place...I feel very much at home there but I always feel that it is still just his and he has the final word on anything...the advantage is that it is a trial form of living together in that it is not permanent and we still have our own separate homes...

one thing that I don't think that the study took into account is that ~ maybe people that have traditional values about marriage are not going to live together before marriage...they are also probably the ones that are not going to easily get divorced....I don't know if this may be a factor in the situation or not but it kind of makes sense...marriage takes work and committment on both parts...I think a lot of times people do not take it as seriously as they should and think that divorce is an easy way out...not everyone!! I realize that sometimes divorce is the only option...just a thought...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 1:25pm

WEll, I saw




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 1:54pm

I did not live w/ my X and we got divorced. My bf did live w/ his X...and they got divorced. I personally think it's BS. I don't buy into studies like that because they deal with such a small %-age of people.

I want to live w/ my bf...SOMEDAY, but definatley before we get married.

Avatar for ddnlj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 2:47pm

If I had lived with my ex-husband for a while before marrying him, I would have never married him. The only reason I stayed so long was because of that piece of paper. So, yes, couples who marry may stay together longer. I think marriage becomes the trap that binds people together. It's not always happiness that keeps married couples together. Had I not been married to my ex, I would have left when he threw a hammer across the room and nearly hit me in the head. I would have left when he threw a kitten across the room and broke it's hip. I would have left after he insulted family, friends and acted as though his own child had no business being born. But it's the stigma of a failed marriage that keeps it going, as opposed to just a failed relationship.

I would not marry someone without living with them first. I want to know their quirks and whether I can live with them. I want to know how they are in REAL life, not dating life. How do they wake up in the morning? How do they handle the stress of bills? What are they REALLY like when they're mad - not just mad as in "I'm going home, I'm mad" but in "I'm mad and I still have to live with you". How well do our personalities match on a 24/7 basis? Dating is fun, but it doesn't represent the reality of life together.

Marriage is supposed to be FOREVER. Forever is a very long time. I want to know that when I sign my name on the dotted line I will want to be with that person forever. And I think the best way to determine that is to know whether or not you can really live with them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 4:08pm

I lived with my X husband for 6 years before we got married.... and now.... well we are divorced.


You can never tell what kind of person someone is by living with

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 4:09pm

SO SORRY about the cl post.... Im just getting the hang of this "different" screen name thing.....


So sorry.... **slapping my own hand**


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 4:18pm
It is ok, we all forget sometimes. Even when you try to remember and have a couple windows open to log in and out you sometimes do not notice untill after the post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 4:49pm

I was with a man for three years and we were happily engaged and were actually planning on getting married in June of this year. I had everything except the dress bought for the wedding. We decided to move in together and see how things were. After two months of living together we realized we weren't the right people for one another. I have sinced moved out and on with my life.

Everyday I am so thankful that we decided to move in together and see if being with one another was the life we really wanted. After moving in I / we realized very quickly that the domestic / married life was not for us!

I think in some scenerios moving in together is a good idea, like you said you learn each other's annoying habits and you see if you can live with them. I loved the man I was with I just didn't love the life. And we tried to compromise and meet in the middle but it just didn't work out that way.

And probably before I get married to another man I will move in with him first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 7:12pm

i tend to think it's a bunch of BS as well - there's just too many factors involved.

my bf and i do not live together. we've talked about living together, about getting married first, living together first, etc. right now we are pretty much at the point "if it aint broke - dont fix it"! we both have issues with "marriage", neither of us can decide for sure if children are in either of our futures (i already have an 8 yr old dd), and our relationship the way it is right now just couldnt be any better.

i think it'll come down to having kids. his mom is just chomping at the bit...told the bf to tell me to "get off the pill already and get pregnant" LOL!! if we decide we want kids together, that will probably be the deciding factor in getting married. other than that, neither of us feel it's really necessary for us...which makes me think of a topic for another post..LOL

i married 1xh before living together, i lived with 2xh before getting married. i'm 0-2 either way! LOL and there are lots of men that i lived with, some i considered marrying or was engaged to and i am SO glad i lived with them first!! i'd hate to have to type 3xh, 4xh etc and so on ;-)

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