can 1 phone conversation turn him off??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
can 1 phone conversation turn him off??
7
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 1:25pm

I am 39 and dating again after being married for 10 years. A few months ago, I met a guy and went out with him a few times.....I had met him in a bar and he was very good looking, was age 29 and I liked his personality (he told me he thought I was in my early 30s). I had sex with him early on because I made the mistake of thinking that that would keep him with me and I had hoped that we would begin to date. He did tell me, however, after our second date, that he wasn't looking for anything serious and that he had been "hurt" before (I do have doubts how true that is). The third date went well. We had talked and had a good time and hung out at my place. He called me three days after the date and he mentioned that he was getting tired of spending so much money. He said that he didn't think he would be going out as much to clubs with his friends...which I took as a hint that he was going to be spending more time alone with me on the weekends. We talked for about 10 minutes and then I had to go because I had guests and I thanked him for calling....and I never heard from him again. Suffice to say I will never again make the mistake of thinking that having sex is the way to hang on to a guy.

I am now left wondering what I said or did wrong....he must have liked me and thought the 3rd date went well because he called me a few days later. Did I say something so awful during our phone conversation that he decided that he didn't like me afterall? But if that is the case, how could he enjoy our date, call me a few days later and then let a 10 minute conversation make him decide to never see me again? It has now been 9 weeks and he never called back. Is it a good idea to be very careful what you say to a guy over the phone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 2:24pm

From what you posted it does not seem you said anything wrong. He may have just chosen that financially he is unable to date. Some guys like to pay and go out when dating and if they can not see any point in dating. Don’t blame you because he stopped. Take the lessons you learned and grow from them and knock the dust off your boots as far as he is concerned and keep on stepping.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 9:19pm
The guy seemed to be looking for sex and casual relationship and he told you that. You didn't do or say anything wrong. He was not on the same page as you, that's all. Look for a more mature man next time. If you want to have sex go ahead, it's an adult choice and not a way to "keep a man".
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:41am
Have you thought about the possibility that maybe something happened to him?
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 11:34am
I would be concerned if something happened to him because I really liked him....I called his cell phone a few times to hear his voice, he answered and I hung up so he's still available by phone. I am always looking out for him when I go to the club that I met him but I haven't seen him. What do you think could have happened to him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 11:42am
I highly doubt anything happened to him because usually 99.9% of the time when a man doesn't try to contact you again they are just not interested in having a relationship with you or they are dying and in dire need of a blood transfusion like the book "he's just not that into you" says. I do agree with waiting to have sex until you get to know the man better and if he mentions that he's not looking for a relationship, listen to him because he's speaking the truth. He may have been hurt too bad and just was in the mood to fool around or he may just not have seen you as the person he sees himself with. Who knows, you'll never know really but the fact that he didn't call speaks volumes. I think when he mentioned that he couldn't afford to go on dates anymore it was his way of saying that he didn't want to date anymore (just wasn't ready or whatever). Hugs to you, I know it's hard to go through these things but next time wait to have sex and also listen carefully to what the guy has to say to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 12:12pm
Hi, good advice...I think you're right...he just didn't want anything serious and wanted a good time. Even if I did say something on the phone that he didn't like I think that if he liked me he would have overlooked it and decided to see how date #4 went in person. I met another guy who took me out and then tried to get me to sleep with him. I thought, no thanks, been there, done that, and I didn't do it with him. It turns out that he didn't call me back either but this time I didn't feel so much hurt because I hadn't been intimate with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 3:41pm
Hugs to you, I know it's tough. Dating is tough altogether but we have to remain strong and weed through the ones that aren't worth our time who aren't that into us so that we can get to the one we are supposed to be with and we'll definately appreciate that person.
It's a learning experience definately and dating is not for the weak that's for sure.