can i ask him not to commute with her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
can i ask him not to commute with her?
3
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 10:48am
I am the one who posted the "is he lying" post about her bf going to the park last night with that girl from work. i don't feel comfortable with their relationship now AT ALL since they spent an hour at night in the park discussing their feelings for each other. is it too much to tell him i don't feel comfortable with them commuting together? i really don't feel comfortable having them travel 40 mins at 10pm a few nights a week after this incident.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 10:59am

Hi again Dances, I misunderstood.

I thought that he spent that time talking about his feelings towards you to her. and I didn't know the commute was so long.

It is a hard call. But if you've been with him a year and don't trust him and you are in an exclusive relationship, ask yourself do you want a lifetime of worry or not? Asking that he not ride with her is a pretty big restriction. People don't do well with extra rules. Trust is better, and if it isn't there, reconsider your motivation for staying with him.

Would you like rules abotu who you can be with?

I'm not suggesting that you are wrong to be hurt and mistrustful, this sounds like a very real concern, but what is the appropriate measure is the real issue.

I hope some other folks reply to this with their ideas, too. I'd be reeling with confucion if I were in your place!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 4:59pm

I wouldn't forbid him from commuting with her, but I'd also be planning my exit strategy from him if I were you.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who would commute regularly with some girl who has confessed that she has a crush on him. My SO doesn't talk in depth with other women. It's not a rule. It's just how we are.

There are men out there who are just that loyal. Maybe someone like that would be a better fit for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 8:28pm

No, you can't ask him to stop commuting with her. You could express that you are uncomfortable with it, but the choice is his and it's one that he must make without you pushing him. I also agree with one of the previous posters who said that people don't like having extra rules put upon them.

However, that doesn't mean that you should stay around and watch them commute. Perhaps the two of you aren't meant to be together?

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