Can I go from Friend to Boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2011
Can I go from Friend to Boyfriend
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 9:18pm

Let me start off by saying I'm a divorced dad of 2 children(10 and 7# and I'm 42. The female friend I like is a divorced mom of 2 kids #6 and 1) and she's 29. I've know her for 4 years but just two months ago we started doing more things together. Over the past two months as families we've hung out over 10 + times. By ourselves we've been out just once. We've kissed only once but every other time it's been a passionate hug. He's where it gets difficult. Everytime we doing something she always text or calls and says she's had a great time and likes hanging out with me. But then the next day when i try and text her she doesn't respond or appears to be distant. I also have to initiate everything. I text her first, I ask her to come over, I ask her out on the date, i always call her first. Only once did she invite me over to her place without me asking her. I haven't asked her where she thinks we are or where she thinks it will go. But i probably should. So from what I've told you what do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 10:36pm

I don't think the fact that she waits for you to initiate things is a big deal in itself--it's more traditional that men are the ones who ask for dates & it's only been too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 11-06-2011 - 1:11am

As Musiclover has noted, women traditionally have

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 1:16pm

There is something to the fact that she does accept your invitations.

I agree with the others. I also want to point out that a young divorced mom with two young children is acting out of WISDOM by not throwing herself headfirst into a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 4:22pm
From what you've said I'm not even sure you 2 are really dating. Sure its traditional from men to do the pursuing and asking and what not. And its appropriate for her to thank you afterwards. But you 2 aren't very affectionate and she doesn't initiate contact with you even to just say hello and see how you're doing? Also you invite yourself over to her house? That's weird and I'd say if nothing else quit doing that.

My guess is if she wasn't recently divorced and didn't have a one year old to deal with she might be giving you better signals. I also think its very smart of her not to rush things, she is only 29 afterall. Maybe she's just so overwhelmed with everything that she hasn't gotten the clue that you're that interested in her. It certainly wouldn't hurt to ask her if she has any interest in going on an actual date with you. You can tell her that you're interested in being more than friends and don't want to rush things. Just see what she says and if she needs time to think about it that's ok too. There is also the age difference to consider and she may want to ponder that some.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 11:26am

Yeah, her actions are telling you exactly where she is at. It's a good sign she is wanting to do things with you, and also telling you that she enjoyed herself.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 10:29am

I agree with the others to some extent.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 1:02am

Yes, I agree that asking her if she is interested in spending time together as more than friends is the best thing to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 9:50am

And keep us posted, inquiring minds need to kow