Can a pair of cheaters make it?
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| Sun, 10-09-2005 - 8:15pm |
I've heard over and over again that if he cheats to be with me, he'll cheat on me as well, but I hope it isn't true.
A few months ago I left my fiance because of varied reasons. We started going out when we were 13 and I stayed with him for over 10 years. During this period we were seperated for 10 months for college, and I ended up cheating on him with one of my close best friends that I ended up feeling more for than I had thought. I felt terrible about cheating and beat myself up about it. I knew that I shouldn't be with both, and was going to dump my boyfriend for the other guy, but in the end I never had the courage. I was about 19 then.
Now over the last year I ended up getting into a similar situation. I found a bunch of friends who really understood me and all my nerdy interests. I had a lot of fun with them, and preferred to be with them than my fiance. I tried to merge the two by inviting him to come out with us but he never made the effort to get along wtih my friends or take interest in the things that I like. As what happened before, I ended up falling for one of my guy friends, and one night we started talking and admitted it. Shortly afterwards we became more than friends, which was terrible because he was in a committed relationship as well.
After continuing on like this for a month I realised that I couldn't do it, especially since I was supposed to be getting married. I realised that if I am still looking outside of my relationship I am not getting what I need, and I ended up breaking it off with him. I was hoping that this other guy would do the same with his gf and we could be together, but I didn't put any pressure on him, and was prepared to break this relationship just because I knew I could do better.
Things worked out pretty well and now we are both single and dating each other exclusively. The only problem is that to some degree we both left our old relationships for this new one, so who is to say we won't do it again? And, I cheated on my old (and only) boyfriend twice, while the guy I am currently with has cheated on EVERY girl he'd ever been with - at the end of the relationship. Red flag anyone? But he has also said that he had never really believed in love - and just thought it was a concept - but when he met me he realised he was wrong.
This all sounds so terrible and negative. Can someone please tell me there is hope? I'm willing to trust him, and forgive his history, but he is still concerned that one of might go for the 'bigger better deal' and want to leave for someone better again. We are both very happy where we are now, with each other, but our insecurities might tear us apart.
I just want to add that he is a lot more torn up about his ex than I am (I had more reasons for leaving my ex), and feel guilty for leaving her for someone else. So while he has a history of cheating, it's not something he feels easy about, and watching him stress about how he's hurt his ex is somewhat reassuring to me at least because it means that he might not do it so easily to me either.
Edited 10/9/2005 8:28 pm ET ET by seriana

Yes, I think that it's quite possible that you will both cheat...your track records do indicate this.
Because of this, I would suggest that the two of you sit down and discuss how you view cheating. For some, it's an absolute dealbreaker - but others (while they are understandably hurt and upset) view it as a warning sign that the relationship needs work.
I think that if both of you think that you could forgive the other for cheating, then it's worth a try. However, if either of you considers it a dealbreaker - then don't bother.
For the record, both me and my DH have cheated on others in previous relationships. But while we don't give permission for the other to cheat in our relationship, we are perhaps a little more forgiving. Basically because neither of us is infallable.