Can you help me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Can you help me?
14
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 11:34pm
Hi I posted this on another board (hope it is not against the rules, I wasn't getting an answer.) Anyway it has been 3 years since my "true love" left. I have dated and stuff but you can only get that kind of relationship once in a lifetime. Anyway I miss him, still. I see his friends and parents, and i ask how he is doing, but I don't really get anything besides, "Good." I guess to make this sad pathetic story short, I was wondering if I should call him or write him to see if he wants to talk. I think it sounds a little crazy, but I guess since i can't stop thinking of him, it must have meant something, (right?) And if i should contact him what the heck should i say?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 12:20am
Before I give any advice, I was wondering, why did you two break up? What is that history? If you don't feel comfy saying, that's okay. But it woud help.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:48pm

Cher, ask great questions and with no response I will say you think of him he is a first love and of course you will think of him. Heck, over 10 yrs later I still think of my first love. He was that but when it was over it was over for a reason. I posted this http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmrright/?msg=4393.1

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 12:57am
Well that is the thing, I never knew why he broke up with me, both of our friends (his and mine)never knew why. I mean he was upset about it though (unless all guys cry when they dump someone.)We dated for a year or more, and when he dumped me it was out of nowhere, (really) He gave me some stupid excuse like he heard I cheated on him, which we both knew wasn't true.
Thanks for hearing me out! I would love to know what you think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 1:05am
cl-bastphilliy,
Thank you for your advice, I read it and it makes sense. It seems to fit perfectly with a lot of my relationships (even friends). When you think of your first love, do you usually feel like you left something unsaid? How do you feel when you think about him?
Thanks again for that message, i shared it with a few people. Did you write it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:32am
The author is unknown, I only wish I could write something like that. When I think of my
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 2:28pm

I just wanted to say, first loves are the hardest to get over. I know it took me over 10 years to truly let him go and to stop thinking the "what if's". As marie stated, there's a lot of unanswered questions, and all you remember is the good.


I don't know what to suggest. I think over the 10 year span, I called my TL about 3 times to talk about what happened with us. I just kept telling him I can't seem to just let it go, and he'd talk to me about it. I'm not sure what finally helped, but the last time around, something clicked. Not sure what though.


I would say, call him, but with NO intent on getting him back, and ask if you two can talk about the breakup because you truly feel like things were never "ended" and it's haunting you.


If he says no, then well, there's your answer, he's an ass. If he says yes, hopefully you can get some closure.


BTW, are you sure he didn't accidently knock someone up or something? i know my friend had that happen. her TL dumped her out of the blue, and then she found out YEARS LATER that he got someone preggo and left her. He said it was an accident to cheat, and he felt so guilty cuz he truly lvoed her, and he didnt' want to hurt her, so he dumped her, left the area to be with the mom of the kid. of course, it killed her to know he cheated even years later, but still, it was an answer for what happened.


Hugs.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 3:42pm
Thanks so much for the advice. I really hope to gt that closure. I mean THANKS, nobody around here could tell me what to do, and explain things like that. I guess I should contact him and get that closure. Do you think a letter is okay? I can't imagine calling him, especally since he is living with his dad (because he would wonder why did I know) I looked him up in the phonebook. I think you may be right cherbear017 I mean he didn't get this girl pregnant but when we broke up he was with someone a month later. I think it is possible he cheated on me. He moved in with her and was there for two years. (Oh yeah, his house was right across the street where I work!) But they broke up so yeah i think that I need that closure!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 5:08pm

Do whatever you feel comfy with. Also, who knows what happened. I mean, I know my friend married this woman cuz she was preggo, after dating her for a month, and then she miscarried. They're now divorced.


Good luck. Keep us posted.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:43pm
Well I called him tonight because you gave me that confidence. I got closure. He invited me out, but I'm not expecting anything. Thanks so much. I haven't felt this giddy about seeing someone in years! It is weird that you brought that cheating/pregnant thing up too, because he left the girl (the one after me) and she is saying she is pregnant! He doesn't believe her because she won't take a test for him. I just thought that was odd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 4:26pm

Hugs and good luck.


A few things. Do NOT assume NOR allow him talk you into "going out on




my pet!

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