can't happen right now.....

Avatar for lau0850
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
can't happen right now.....
6
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 6:28pm
Hi everyone. I'm kinda new here, and I'm beginning to have a bit of a problem. My best friend is dating someone who I have known forever, and used to have a major crush on. We've become really close friends again, and I'm starting to develop real feelings for him. We all hang out all the time with our group of friends, so I'm with him a lot. We've talked quite a bit, and he's said we have an "amazing connection" but he feels like he's gotten into this thing with my friend, and he needs to let it work itself out. He's not sure if she's the one for him but has enough feelings for her to keep it going for now. He is exactly the person i could marry (i'm 27)...I guess I'm just looking for some thoughts. I would never ever do anything, especially when they're dating....but I'm really starting to struggle with my feelings...... thanks for listening....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 1:53am

Hi Lau,

that's a tough situation to be in, but to be honest I don't think that there is anything that you can actually do to change things.

He has to work his feelings out for himself. He might very well like you, but he might not want to lose what he has with your friend. You have to respect whatever decision he makes, and be able to either move on, or suffer the consequences of getting between the two of them.

I know that it is not your intention to hurt your best friend, but by telling him how you feel (without letting her know as well), you are doing just that. It might seem as though things would be perfect if he chose you...but consider how your best friend will feel when she finds out that you two are together. Make sure that he is worth ruining a friendship over, or at least speak to your best friend about this BEFORE anything happens...then hope that she will be understanding.

In the end, all you can do is wait it out and see what happens. And at a certain point, if he still hasn't come to a conclusion it will be time to move on. You can't wait around forever now can you?

Good Luck :O),
Yvy.

Avatar for lau0850
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 9:20pm
Thank you...I really appreciate your response. I knew what I would be told...its just nice to "hear" it.
Thanks so much....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 2:36am

No worries, glad to be of some help :O).

Hang in there!
Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 6:26pm
I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear...back off..NOW. Don't ever entertain the idea that the two of you could EVER have anything. That is, if you're the "best friend" you think you are. What are you thinking? Even if the two of them don't ever amount to anything, he will be her ex. And exes and best friends just don't work. My friends and I had one die hard rule....never date an ex. No matter what. It just causes hard feelings and even if they say it's ok, usually it really isn't. If you want to lose her friendship just keep thinking what you're thinking. Personally I think he's dogging her with all this "amazing connection" talk with you. But that's for her to discover. I'd have second thoughts about ANY man who would say something like that to someone else. Especially my best friend. Is this a guy YOU would really want? My standards are a little higher, I don't care how nice he seems. His actions speak differently. Find someone else. There are other guys you can have an "amazing connection" with. One who would have that connection with only YOU. Good luck. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 10:00pm
Hey, I just want to tell ya....it's gonna be hard to hide feelings away from someone u care about. But, right now that's what I feel you should do. He has to make the decision on what he wants to do. He has to decide who he cares about more. Maybe, he'll do it right away or maybe it'll take forever, but u have to be able to move ahead with or without him. If he's not mature enough to decide who he'd rather be with, than why bother even trying to hang onto him. You know the old saying there are plenty of fish in the sea. You'll find your prince, it may be him or it may not be. In the mean time, just take everything how it comes, and try not to let their relationship bother you. Take care, and good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 3:55pm

He's an old crush? Are you sure it isn't the crush thing again... and he is just playing ya - and your friend?

Say goodbye to Mr. Not so Wonderful. He has been (dating, bf/gf, whatever) with one of your friends.... he is off-limits for LIFE.