Can;t stay away

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Can;t stay away
3
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 5:04pm
I am somewhat upset with this guy. Over a yr ago we went out for 2 months. Since then over the past yr we have hooked up again a few times. Everytime better then the time before. He tells me I am his and please not to go off with others. I have and he has saw me and always looks mad and upset. And the last time he saw me with someone I was dating , he walked over and stood right behind me and then when he caught me alone told me we were leaving the bar. Of course I never went. I know from conversations we have had he has been really hurt and I think thats why he won't totally commit. He will call and want to see me and I say no even though it kills me. I see him and my heart melts, I would be so good to him and adore him and go up against anyone for him. But the thing is he will go for days if not a week or so without calling me and I won't call him. I told him last night that I want him all the time. He told me I can have that. He told me no matter who I am with and where I am I will always be his and there is nothing I can do. And its there with us. And that noone loves me like he does and noone loves to look at me more then him. I want to tell him everything I am feeling. As much as I hate to admit I love him and he is there in my heart and I can't stay away from him. He is all tough and don't laugh when I say this but gangster like. And sometimes when we talk he gets all cocky so I don't say anything.
Should I tell him everything or just write a letter and give it to him. Or just let it go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: glogirl36
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 7:09pm

OMG! Re-read your post and tell me you don't see the flaming red flags waiving over the flashing neon lights pronouncing ABUSER!! I'll pinpoint exactly your words aren't anything other than downright scarry.

"He told me no matter who I am with and where I am I will always be his and there is nothing I can do"

"that noone loves me like he does and noone loves to look at me more then him"

"sometimes when we talk he gets all cocky so I don't say anything."

"He is all tough and...gangster like".

OMG again!!

This is not romantic. This is not chivalry. This is not evidence of his love for you. All it is is proof of an abuser. He's controling and possessive and if he hasn't gotten physicaly violent with you already I'm amazed and bet money that it's an eventuality. This is not love. It's scary and preditory. Love is caring more about the other person than you do yourself. Love is wanting to see the other person happy even if their happiness comes at your misery. THIS IS NOT LOVE. It's a police report waiting to happen.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
In reply to: glogirl36
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:36pm

Hi Angelicafox! ITA - I'm so glad that I wasn't the only one to recognize this. Thank you for sharing my thoughts exactly.

P.S. - to the OP, please take heed - THIS IS NOT LOVE!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: glogirl36
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:35am
Thanks for that reply. After being with him so many times even when we had a disagreemnet the man has never laid a hand on me. He has never raised his voice to me. Even though he gets a cocky attitude with me he speaks in a regular voice. But regardless of what I wrote and how ppl answer I can see alot. Last night I sat here thinking about what goes on with him and I. He wants me when he wants me and wants me with no other man. I am not his properiety or someone to play with. I am ashamed of what went on with us over the weekend and feel saddened that we have come to this. I am starting to feel sorry for him after much thought.
That a man will go this far to keep someone around without the committment. And want them to always be only with them. The fear of real love or letting someone that close scares him and he can;t do it. And to see me with another man makes him upset. Meanwhile he is a good person I have seen that,regardless of his demeaner at times. He is smart educated a good father and he can be funny and a sweetheart. But its the "I own you" thing that has to stop. I am my own person and can decide who I want to be with.
I have decided that we have to stop cause I am allowing him to be with way with me.I am going to tell him what I think and if he doesn;t like it owell such as life. And get on with my life. He can live his how he wants.