Checking In and Whining a Little

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Checking In and Whining a Little
1
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:28am

Just checking in after being away from the board for a while. I hope everyone is well.

SO and I doing great - or as great as you'd expect considering all the circumstances. Part of my problem is I can't find people to talk to who are in similar situations. Because SO and I are older than many of the people we know, they can't relate much to the problems we have.

To start with, SO was put out of work back in March. He's receiving unemployment, but it barely covers his own personal bills (car, phone, etc) so there's not much left to help out with household expenses. Needless to say, things are tight. But he'll be starting school next month under a Workforce in Action program that will pay for him to get the certifications he needs to get back into the IT field, which was his original line of work before he was laid off 4 years ago.

Besides that, we are dealing with his mother and aunt, both of whom are very elderly. His aunt (who is 94) had to go into a nursing home a couple months ago. Now his mother, who is 83 and has lived with the aunt for years, seems to have no ability to care for herself. We've discovered she's about 14,000.00 in credit card debt, and we can't figure out how she spent that much money. She won't feed herself; she insists SO bring her fast food (which we can't afford to do). She still drives - or thinks she can. She's gotten lost several times right in our own little town. She knocked the side view mirror off the car somehow, and another time she jumped a curb in a parking lot and struck a light pole. Thank God no people were on the sidewalk at the time. She won't pay her bills. Just yesterday the water was turned off because it's $250.00 past due. We've offered to help her write out her bills, but she'll take the bills and hide them. We don't know what's due and what isn't. She gets confused very easily and she wants SO with her all the time. She calls him and has him come to her house several times a day for petty things. She just doesn't want to be alone.

She's become really bad in the last couple of months, to the point where I don't think she should be living alone. SO had her admitted to a geriatric mental facility on Monday, and so far all the reports are pointing towards fast progressing Alzheimers. SO is devastated because up until a few months ago his mother was bright and active. Up until January she was still working part-time. We think she was laid off because she began to get confused on her job. She'll be released from the hospital on Friday and we're not sure what to do from there. Unfortunately, she can't live with us - we don't have the room or the finances. SO's brother lives in another state and is out of sight, out of mind. He couldn't care less.

Last night, SO gets a call from the nursing home. His aunt had fallen out of her wheelchair and cut herself really bad and was taken to the hospital. We rush to the hospital and sure enough, she had a 2 1/2 inch gash on her head that needed stitches.

The only thing we are grateful for are the federal and community services that have been available to us to help us manuever through the system of elderly care. Neither his mother nor aunt own anything, so they can pretty much be cared for by Medicare and other services. Many people are against social services in America, but I can tell you when you face a situation like this you're thankful for all the help you can get.

It's tough on SO and I, too. Not only are we trying to get our own lives back in order, but so much time is spent worrying, wondering and taking care of the needs of his mother and aunt. We never know what the next phone call brings. We have no time to ourselves. Between lack of money and lack of time, we're just living day to day. We don't go anywhere, do anything, or make any plans. There is a strain between us, but I'm trying not to let it get to me.

Sorry to be whining, and I know my issues are probably so much different than the usual relationship issues, but I don't know where else to go to talk about these things. Sometimes I do just wish that SO and I could have maybe a weekend alone - no kids, no parents, no money worries. I tell myself that one day maybe that time will come when we can have time to ourselves, but in 4 years it's never seemed to happen. It's always been something or someone else that came first. I'm not sure how long a relationship can last that revolves around everyone but the two people it should revolve around.

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Registered: 08-18-2003
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:37am

Hugs to you, ddnlj.

~~ Steffy ~~