Confused
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Confused
| Mon, 01-09-2006 - 7:42pm |
This guy lives an hour and a half away from me, he travels to see me pretty much every weekend,yet he says he doesnt believe in Long distance relationships, so that is pretty much confusing. Next whatever i want to do hes up for it whether its a chick flick, shopping, or even staying home and renting movies. We have plans to go on a cruise boat this summer for a week, just to get out, nothing serious as he says just two friends hanging out. Hes just a really nice guy, and normally I wouldnt be too upset that he said he doesnt believe in Long distance relationships, because its nice having him around except, I am trying to figure out......... if we have so much fun together whats the reason for not wanting to attempt a relationship with me? More importantly what can i do to convince him that we should look at this again? Better yet can you convience a guy that you are for him?
Edited 1/9/2006 7:52 pm ET by mom_danielle_2482
Edited 1/9/2006 7:52 pm ET by mom_danielle_2482

mom_danielle_2482...
PG's 2 cents....which you're welcome to accept or ignore?
There are several terrific men who are anxious and ready to spoil, pamper, and practically accomodate women of all shapes and sizes. BUT...
Being tied down or under an exclusive commitment ISN'T what they want!
While you seem to be content with your current arrangement, it's clear that you're hoping that the longer things continue....the gentleman you're seeing will eventually change his mind? .
Consider this.....please????
Your b/f probably enjoys the option of "spending time alone" and pursuing his hobbies without feeling that he has to 'entertain you' or 'become one half of a couple?' If he had you (or anybody) for a wife----the pursuit of his personal options would diminish or disappear. Simply because..."the single guy" would focus his attention on you.
So this is probably the reason why he doesn't want to take things any further?
Pianoguy
This is just twisted.
He gets to come to your place, has a great time - is willing to do whatever you want - he has sex, fun, companionship and no obligation.
What he DOES NOT WANT......which is why this isn't a relationship.....is to care about or consider your needs, wants, feelings, thoughts, desires, or goals about any particular situation, or in life in general - when living his life.
So this is a great "weekend thing" - he's a weekend boyfriend while during the week he's free to sit around, work as late as he wants, play poker or raquetball witht he guys without having to explain himself or hear you complain.
It's just simple...it's not that hard to cook, clean, and look after yourself as a single person. The world is your oyster. You can do whatever YOUR MONEY will allow, YOUR ABILITIES will generate, and whatever YOUR TIME is willing to be spent on.
It's all about that individual person. It's great - no obligations, no responsiblities or requirements or considerations that don't revolve around you - no major consultations required.
What he does not wnat is to have to consult and consider you and what youre doing or want or how you're feeling or what you're pursuing in life - while living his life on a more regular basis.
This weekend this - he's a "weekend boyfriend" - he has no problem with exclusivity - that's just not that hard a concept. Contractually it's "we'll have sex on a regular basis, with obligation to exclusivity for the sake of our health while there is no obligation or expectation of emotional bond or life commitment" - how hard is to get a guy to agree to regular sex with a safe partner.....one that knows how to please him due to expeirence WITH HIM...not just experience in general.
If you want more than a weekend boyfriend you need to live closer than a couple of hours driving apart. That way having dinner, or lunch - or a weekday run or time at the gym, or at a movie - is a possibility.
Otherwise, people have to work, they have an 8-5 job, they have responsiblities to handle in order to meet the obligations of the job, and produce the result they're paid for. They have friends wehre they are, and interests an dhobbies where they are - and they're not going to drop some level of focus or commitment to what they're doing in order to have a "relationship". A relationship isn't a goal, it's not a source of anything, or a ticket to anything.
I think the guy has a WONDERFUL set up myelf. He doesn't have to clean or cook or prepare any of the "luxuries" of a bed and breakfast weekend. He simply has to pack a bag, show up with some cash to pay for activities - and he's got a weekend that includes fun, sex, companionship and total prioritization on him and his needs......at your expense, because that's what you prioritize.
Here's the kicker...if he wanted a "relationship" he'd want the same dynamic - because "dynamic" is what we're all saying "yes or no" to at the bottom line. He'd expect any of your real life details and responsiblities to be shelved or non-existent when he was around, and your total focus to be on him and having fun, meeting his needs, attending to his priorities.
HE knows that's not realistic to ask - there's no way to actually 'get" you to live his life and vicariously while having your own obligations iwthout resentment and anger on your part.
That's why "as this is" works for him. What he doesn't want - he doesn't have. What he does enjoy - he has no obligation access to.
bottom line - to you he's a priority, to him - you're an option and a convenience.
That's why you can see it from his point of view. You've got way more invested and involved and attached to "this" as an entity - than he has.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com