Confused!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Confused!!
2
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 6:07pm
Well here is my problem. I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now. Everything has been going great; I mean we have arguements here and there but we are happy. But here recently I've been feeling what amounts to "cold feet." The past couple of weeks I've been pretty stressed out at work, i'm looking for a new job and a car, dealing with college classes, and last week one of my best friends died in a car wreck. So it's been stressful. Suddenly, not all the time but sometimes, little things he does annoy the hell out of me. I've been grumpy towards him and others and picking fights with him. I'm very self-concence because of past relationships and I tend to worry a bit too much so i'm always after reassurance. Well suddenly I start thinking about what would happen if me and my boyfriend brokeup. It makes my stomach tie up in knots when I think about it. I feel confused and scared of whats going to happen to me and him. And suddenly i'm becoming afraid that i'm just with him because I don't want to be lonely. But when i'm not with him I miss him and thinking about losing him makes me very sad. This is the first relationship that i've been in where i've been happy and not trying to just impress him all the time. I normally hook up with jerks and now I'm with a genuinly nice guy. So I guess what i'm wondering is; Am I just really stressed and moody? or could something more serious be happening to us? I really do believe that I love him, i'm just a bit confused right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: me333206
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 8:55am

First, I'm very sorry to hear you losta friend that has to be a very difficult thing to deal with.

Don't even TRY to make a call on this relationship right now, give yourself a chance to sort through all the other things you've got going on FIRST.

There could be about a hundred reasons for your confusion. Only one of which could be that you are trying to distance yourself from your bf emotionally because you're afraid you might lose him as you have your friend.

Give yourself time to sort through everything and continue to examine your feeligns and what might be motivating them. Let your bf in and tell him your sorry if you're cranky and irritable and take it out on him. You may find this difficult period brings you may find you're drifting apart, but dont' feel like you have to figure that out now. It will probably become pretty clear what you should do AFTER you've gotten through the worst of this stressul time.

He's your bf you love each other let him love and support you. Even if things don't work out that isn't using him. That's just part of what loving people is about. You love and support each other in difficult times even when the other person is being a pill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
In reply to: me333206
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 9:23am

GIRL FIRST OFF LET ME START WITH MY REGRETS THAT U LOST A FRIEND THATS ENOUGH TO MAKE SOMEONE CRANKY, HURT AND CUNFUSED. NEXT LETS TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP I THINK THAT THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE B/F IS JUST A STRESS FACTOR ME AND MINE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND A HALF WHEN WE LOST ONE OF OUR TWINS TO SIDS NOW LET ME TELL YOU AT FIRST I FELT CLOSER TO HIM BECAUSE OF THE HURT THAT WE BOTH SHARED AND THEN THE MORE I GRIEVED FOR MY BABY THE ANGRIER I GOT AT HIM I WAS SO STRESSED AND HURT AND HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS THERE SO HE WAS THE ONE THAT I TOOK ALL MY FEELINGS OUT ON. NOW I KNOW THAT LOOSING A CHILD THAT IS CLOSE AND DEAR TO YOUR HEART MAY SEEM DIFFERENT THAN LOOSING A FRIEND BUT NOONE CAN SAY HOW MUCH LOVE YOU HAVE FOR A SINGLE PERSON. I THINK THAT IF YOU JUST HANG IN THERE AND SHARE THE PROBLEMS WITH HIM THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WORK THEM OUT AND IF HE IS AN A1 GUY THEN HE'LL BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH WHATEVER YOU NEED HIM FOR WHEN THE JOB WORKS OUT AND EVERYTHING IS BACK ON TRACK THEN YOU CAN WORK ON THE NNEDS OF EACH OTHER.

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU