confused . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2005
confused . . .
1
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 11:56pm

i normally don't do the advice posts, but there is a first time for everything. everything has been confusing lately, and its time to see what strangers think of this situation cause all and all i have nothing to lose.

background: i have been friends with this guy for over a year now. much of last year, we spent time together, because we had common interests and common friends. most of the time, we felt an attraction towards each other, and even worked as partners for a month. for the most part though, we avoided each other because he had a girlfriend. we never spoke of the attraction, and we were just friends. sometime near the end of may, all of that changed. when he needed help, i helped him and the same went for me. he and his girlfriend broke up, and i ended up helping him cope because the situation was similiar towards the one that i went through. around that time, our friendship became deeper, and more important to both of us. we began talking to each other all the time and even hung out more. our conversations ranged from things we liked, to things we would like to do, to how we are feeling, and even how we were attracted to each other. we were close, as friends become, and that is wonderful. then he started dating a girl, and i realized how much it started to kill me inside. i realized my feelings ran deeper than i ever thought they could, i never fall for my friends, and this was a complete suprised to me. i tried to avoid him, to make it go away but it continued and after a while i gave up hope. the friendship continued to move on.

the situation: a couple of weeks ago, we came back to college. he came up to visit me one night, and we sat and talked on a couch until early morning even though we both had to get up in a few hours for work. he put his arm around me and rubbed it up and down and we just sat like that and talked. he was still dating the same girl from the summer. the next day, we joked at work about being tired and just smiled at each other when we knew why we were. that night i went with him out with his friends and we each had a few drinks. we walked back up to the dorms, and he came inside. we were laying down next to each other and were talking about things, and he kissed me. i didn't kiss back, and when he tried again, i still didn't do anything. i told him that we couldn't do this, but he did it again... and i ended up kissing him. it felt right, i still believe it was right. we were like that for a while, and it was amazing to me. why wouldn't it be? hes my best friend and i had wanted this for a while... even when we stopped to stare into each others eyes, we still continued. he left a while later, and the next day, we had to talk about it. he said it shouldn't have happened, and i agreed... he had a girlfriend... then i admitted the fact that i wanted it... that it felt right and he said yes.. and that he wanted it too. the day after it was brought up, and we got into a huge fight. he said it didnt mean anything, that it was just because of the drinking. he had even told his girlfriend and he wants to be happy that way. now we are talking again, and its semi-back to normal. i just wanted to see if anyone new what would happen... if anyone knew if he was telling me the truth because it would be easier to hide the truth and live the lie since there is so much that could be lost. i wish i knew why it happened... why i still want it too happen and what to do to show that i could be everything he wanted if he gave me the chance. he's in a long distance relationship, and if anyone knew signs of which i could tell that things he does/do isn't just a friendly jester... but if it runs deeper than that... and i guess i'm losing hope... i already know the worst thing is pretending everything is ok and supporting him even if it puts me through pain.

please help me out... until then i'm just a confused, young-minded, and hopeful person. thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 4:13pm

I think that you need to try to give yourself some distance in this situation. It might be that he's confused about what he's feeling, but you need to look out for yourself or you'll just wind up being hurt.


You have lots of reason to be confused - and I'd also say to be hopeful. Being his friend has obviously given him feelings for you, but unless he can be honest about them - and unless he breaks it off with his girlfriend, you are just going to be the odd man out!


Corrine, Sr Community Moderator

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