confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2005
confused
6
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:36am

My boyfriend told me the other day that he needs a break,a month or two, and then he said we will see if it's ment to be. He says this break is needed since we both have baggage from our last relationships. He told me he still likes me when I asked him, but he needs time, yet during this break he still wants to hang out with me and all, just like nothing is different.

It's really hard for me since I have deep feelings for him but I'm considering just acting casual for the one or two months that he suggested, after which he said we'd see if it was ment to be or not.

It's super hard since I've known him for ages..but I'm just wondering if there is still a chance for us or not? Also, I need to know if I should call him like he said, for he really sounded sincere and urging me to keep in touch...and I've never known him to lie to me about feelings.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:21pm

My question for him would be, are we still being monogamous and exclusive to each other, or will you be dating?

I think if he wants a break from the seriousness of the r'ship, but still wants to hang out as friends, it'll only make your life pure hell during the 1-2 months. You don't think it will, but when you go out, can't hold his hand, can't hug him, nor kiss him, nor cuddle. How will that make you feel?

Also, if he expects you to still do all the above, and even have sex (if you are already), then wtf is the break for?

It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. I would seriously ask for some "rules" because what if he comes back with the "we were on a break" bit and had sex or fooled around with another woman (like ross and rachel on friends)?

I'd protect yourself in this. Hugs. It may not end up bad, but I'd cover all bases, just in case he tries to pull a fast one on you.

Hugs.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 2:40pm

I agree with Pineapple. Figure out just exactly what he means by break. If he means, he still wants all the benefits of being in a relationship with you without the commitment I would just end it. Frankly, it sounds like he's looking to see what else is out there or even find something new before he gives up the benfits of having you.

Also, he wanted the break if he wants contact with you I would let him be the one to initiate it. If he legitimately just needs some space you don't want to crowd him.

Of course, my honest opinion is "breaks" are BS. If you love someone, I don't think you need to test it to figure it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 11:36am
OK, first of all to me, breaks are so ridiculous. They are just an easy way of breaking up without all the drama. Well trust me, from my experience they just put off the drama. Last November, my boyfriend and I decided we were going to take "a break" and that nothing was going to necessarily change we were just going to tak a few steps back and not be quite as serious because like you, we both had some baggage we were still getting over. Well, we continued to talk and see each other, just not quite as often. We stopped spending the night with each other and that lasted about 1 month. We talked about getting back together a couple of times and it was very hard. Then we just started hooking up. Well, that brought along all sorts of unnecessary drama. Because we wanted to be together but werent, for each others sakes, but still had the feelings and the physical part which meant we didn't want each other to be with other people, even though we were free to. Once we started questioning each other about it that is when things started to go downhill. We ruined a relationship with a very strong underlying friendship since we had been really good friends before we even got together. Now, as it stands we don't even talk. And we haven't in about 2 months.
SO, in my opinion, taking a break is a horrible idea. Just call it breaking up and move on with it. If you guys are meant to get back together, you will. But taking a break, to me, was definitely harder than just a regular break up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2005
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 11:48am
Well I'm not fully sure how this message board works but I just wanted to say thanks for the people who answered my question and gave me their advice! Thanks! He did call me yesterday and things seemed good so I'll just keep praying and see what happens. Take care all of you and thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 12:11pm

'We need to take a break' = 'I don't want to be with you anymore but am too much of a coward to come right out and say it'. I thought that was common knowledge.. unless you are very young you really don't have an excuse not to understand that the minute someone mentions a break what you need to do is kind of counteract and finish with them - for the sake of your dignity if nothing else. My honest opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 1:24pm

I am not sure if I agree with that last post, twinsister70!