Confused by his actions

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Confused by his actions
4
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 4:21pm
My BF and I have been together for 9months. We are both adults btw. He told me awhile ago that he was seeing someone when we firsted started dating. Which I don't really care about. About a month ago at a going away party for a friend of his, she was there. She introduced herself and, when no one was near asked me how I liked her left overs. I was pretty stunned and wasn't even sure I heard her right but told my BF about it and he hasn't spoken or seen her since and was pretty upset she would say something like that. Until yesterday. We were out looking for apartments with friend of his and they decieded to go for drinks afterwards. His friend told me straight out she was there, but my BF didn't hear him say this. When I spoke to him later that night I asked what he was up to and he said, out for drinks with Carl and a few other people. Completely omiting the fact that she was there. I feel like he was hiding the fact. Am I just being insecure or should I be concerned that he leaves out other details in our life he doesn't want me to know about? I know people don't tell eachother everything but I feel like he should have been honest about her being there. Advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:27pm

I'm thinking he probably didn't feel the need to bring up trash from the past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:05pm
Well she could have left the bar before he got there. He didn't lie to you - he said he was with a group of people, placing no more importance on her (if she was still there) than anyone else other than Carl. It is unlikely he was trying to hide anything from you. If she was there, he probably didn't feel she was worth mentioning, and neither should you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:29pm
Thanks for you honesty. Sometimes it's hard to think outside the box, especially when it's someone he was seeing not to long ago. I am very secure in our relationship except for her, only cause I know they were together when we met. Thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 4:31am

A lot of the time, men (and some women) decline to mention things they think will upset their partners. This isn't to be dishonest or because something untoward is going on, its often to avoid what they expect could be a very unpleasant situation. It could be that he knows you wouldn't like her being there and because she is so insignificant to him, it was better all round for him to just leave out the fact she was there, if she definately was at all. Maybe she was going to go but didn't in the end or as the previous poster said, maybe she left early.

I certainly wouldnt worry about it. I see this go on all the time and it usually boils down to the guy thinks the woman will moan or get upset about it so they don't mention it. Unfortunately the woman often then finds out about it and either gives him more grief than she would have in the first place or in the case of you, ends up worrying needlessly. Frustrating but has proven to be true in many cases that I know of.