Confused.....help?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Confused.....help?!?!
4
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 12:35pm

Well, I have posted before about my so called "relationship" but I have a question. My boyfriend and I that have been together for 2 years fight all the time. I mean fight every other day or week, so he said it's best for me that we are just friends and then this would not happen. So now we don't kiss, no sex, no sleepovers, he stopped saying goodnight every night, and good morning every morning as of beginning of December. Well, he will spend time with me, but he tries not to and wants to keep a distance from me and says its because there are too many feelings right now. He said he doesn't know whats going to happen with us, he says lets be friends only and see what happens. Well he is a manager of a retail store so he is busy but he always made some time for me before but of course now I am the one hounding him for time. I ask to see him all the time and he says "we will see", that is his answer when I ask a question about us all the time too. I went to see him on Sunday and brought him lunch to his work and he was ok with it, I got there and he treated me so cold and mean. He was rude and took his lunch and walked away from me. I left and text him when I got home and told him that was rude and mean and I wasn't accepting that anymore. He text me and said sorry and then another text that said this is a busy time for him and I keep pushing for more time. He said I just want you to "backoff" is that so hard.


So, my questions are this. What exactly do you take "backoff" to mean? Does it mean stop contacting me and I will contact you? Does it mean the contact is ok but don't ask for time? Does it mean he wants space? Also, what do you think I should do to fix this? Any opionions or suggestions would be helpful, at this point I am confused on what to do. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 8:24pm

Hi prettypink,


I don't know what you fight about all the time, but it seems like after 2 years, if you two haven't learned how to get along by now, then the only way for the relationship to survive is to get professional counseling to learn a better way of communicating.


Believe me, it does help to get an impartial person to help in the ways that you two talk to each other, and to point out problems in how you treat each other, etc.


If he refuses to go, then at least get him to read "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" with you. This book explains how different men and women are, and how they like to be talked to and treated.


If he is unwilling to make an effort to stay in a relationship with you, perhaps you must admit that you two are not compatible, and move on. If you move on, I would not remain in contact with him. It only makes it harder to move on. And if you do move on, then you will eventually have a new boyfriend, and I'm sure it would make him uncomfortable if you were still friends with your ex.


Never settle for someone who doesn't meet all of your main needs. I know for myself, my main needs are for someone to be kind, respectful, faithful, trustworthy, financially responsible, compatible with me sexually, and someone who makes time for me. In the past, I severed relationships if the man didn't meet all of these needs. I'm now with someone who meets all these requirements, as I have only one life to live, and I'm worthy of someone who is crazy about me, and vice versa.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 3:35pm

Are you really

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 1:44pm
Maybe its as easy as the old saying...make him chase you! Maybe if you stop giving him attention and stop doing little nice things, like bring him lunch, he will start to come after you. Maybe not right at first, but eventually. And if he doesnt, then he isnt worth it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 10:20am
Why would you want him to chase you?