Contacting an Ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Contacting an Ex?
5
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:28am

I should start off by saying that this is the kind of thing I would normally adivse people against, yet here I am...

Lately I have had this urge to contact my ex. I have not seen or spoken to him even once since we broke up. Our breakup was pretty bitter, especially on my end. I felt like he abandoned me when I really needed him, and I also caught him cheating, well, sort of. Basically, he had made friends with this girl, Jem. I trusted him completely and I acutally encouraged him to develop his friendship with her, thinking that nothing could ever happen. But, I guess things did happen. He never actually told her about me until a few weeks into their friendship. And, what he told her was "I have a girlfriend, but I'm going to break up with her this weekend." Nice, huh? I was pretty pissed.

However, now I am much happier. I have a new bf (well, 10 month old one) and my life is completely changed since we broke up. Back then I was in school, unemployed, and very lonely in general. Now, I think my life is just about perfect. So anyway, I keep thinking I should contact my ex to tell him that I forgive him, and maybe we could even be friends. I don't know though, is that a really bad idea? Any input is appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:59am

nikitakolata...


Since you are in the process of MOVING FORWARD and have

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:33am

I agree with PianoGuy.

He probably doesn't care if you "forgive" him or not, and honestly, if YOU do forgive him, then that's all that matters. You don't need him as a friend. And since your life is moving on nicely, I have a feeling you just want to contact him, to let him know that you have this wonderful life....even though he screwed you over. It's not worth it. BTDT.

Forgive him, forgive yourself, move on.

Yup, do as you would advise, don't contact him.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:57am
I have to agree with the others. What would your current boyfriend think if he found out you are a little too concerned with the ex? How would he feel about you being friends with a guy you used to have romantic feelings for? I think dragging exes into a new relationship is a very-very bad idea! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:49pm

Hey there-

I just wanted to tell you that I agree with the others as well. Contacting an ex especially while in a new relationship isn't such a good idea, if you read around the boards i've posted some of my experience.

I felt the need to contact my ex because we had a messy break up, and we've been talking every single day for the past 5 months...if you want to read the whole story just look under "Is it Meant to be?" "I am in a bind-need advice!" Anyway, it seems like he did something pretty rotten, cheated and lied? You encouraged him to be friends with this girl, and he took it way too far...I see you've found new happiness, which is great, but don't drag the past into the present, it will only complicate things...if you forgive him, keep it to yourself...and view it as a mark of progress and continue to move forward with your life...I've heard that we can never truly move forward until peace is found from within...and it looks like you've found your peace...so continue to move forward, close the chapter for good and continue on with your relationship...IMO I don't think you owe your ex anything...if you befriend him you might be reminded of what he did and start to resent him, and who wants that? Leave things as they are. Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 6:36pm

Well, I thought about things today (even before I read everyone's posts) and I agree it would be bad to contact him... I guess the urge is a combination of a bunch of things. I'm really over him now (have been for over a year), I decided to forgive him, and well, I'm curious about his life. I'm still friends with his brother (they aren't all that close) and I know he's getting married and such. I just can't help but be curious. But also, I want to gloat! Since we broke up I found a really awesome job that has everyone I know envious, I've got a great bf, I've lost weight, I got a new car, and I bought my own house. So, yeah, for a 23 year old, I feel very accomplished and, well, I want him to see what he gave up by being an ass. I guess that's not very nice of me, huh?

But anyway, I've decided that it is enough for me just to be happy with my life. Sometimes I wake up though, and I just feel like he should know that I'm doing well and that I'm not mad anymore becuase I know that things worked out for the best. He's marring the girl he cheated on me with, so apparently, it was something that ended up being worth it for him to do. And now I'm with someone who I really admire, which is great. I know he is curious about me, but I know it isn't worth it to contact him and the last thing I'd want to do is upset my current bf at all. So the conclusion is to continue to avoid him without any contact for another two years, at least. :) Thanks for the input!