could he be interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
could he be interested?
8
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 9:29am

I went out on saturday night to a party and i saw a guy there that i had met in march. I remembered him vaguely. He saw me and recognized me and said hi. He came over to talk to me at one point and asked why i didnt have a drink, then he got me one. He seemed kind of shy. He came over several times and each time i had finished my drink so he offered another. I can be blunt so i said what are you trying to get me drunk? he just laughed and said, no, i just think you should have a drink. My friend dates his friend, they were kind of on the outs but seem like they'll be getting back together. I asked her what she thought of this guy, tim who was talking to me. She was like, he really likes you! I didnt ask how she knew, i just assumed that she meant because he kept buying me drinks. at one point i wasnt there and he gave my drink to my friend and said, this is for elisa, make sure she gets it.

he then asked if my friends and i wanted to come back to his place for drinks. I said that i didnt know what they were doing or if they'd want to. He kept asking how i was getting home and said several times that he could drive me home. I finally said, hmm why do you want to drive me home so bad. he said he wanted to hang out with me more. So when we were leaving i left to go with my friends, he had been insisting all night that i leave with him so finally i said, fine you can drive me home. I felt a little awkward-mostly for what people might think of him driving me home, but he was cute and nice so whatever. So he drives me home and of course comes in. We sit on the couch and talk a bit, then he goes to kiss me. I kissed him back. To make a long story short, that's all that ended up happening-we just kissed. He tried to do a bit more but respected my wishes when i said no. He was a really good kisser actually. He stayed at my place until 1:30 the next day. We mostly just laid in bed and talked. His friend called and said he needed a ride to someplace and that's when he was going to leave. But then we started making out again and it took him forever to leave. I cant say i minded though. we were about to fall asleep again when i heard my roomate and her boyfriend yelling in the window that they couldnt get inside because the door was locked. That kind of got him up...before this he had taken my phone and called his phone. I was like, what are you doing at first when he took my phone. Then he's like, well now i have your number...and you have mine too. He jokingly said, oh i already have an elisa in here what am i going to put you in here as.

It was kind of awkward when he was leaving, i had to introduce him to my roomate's bf, my roomate already knows this guy...so i walked him down stairs, he gave me a kiss goodbye and said, i'll talk to you. URGH! that's what got me. It wasnt like we had made plans to hang out again, but from the impression i got seemed interested in more than just kissing for the night. He remembered me from last march and had told me he asked who i was back then, and then the other night he was really going out of his way. Even my friends were like, wow he really wanted to see to it that you were taken care of all night with the drinks and the ride home. But i dont know....maybe he did just want to hook up for the night. I wont be heartbroken if he doesnt call, but i will wonder what the heck...if he doesnt.

Avatar for swan577
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 8:52pm

hi elisa,

well, i see red flags in this situation. the fact that he kept trying to liquor you up and then kept insisting that he bring you home...well, that's not a good sign. he was trying to loosen your inhibitions. you played right into his hands. you did exactly what he wanted you to do. he succeeded in getting into your apartment and into your bed for some heavy make out sessions...trust me, he would not have turned down any sex from you if you had been a willing participant. you said that he was very respectful of your wishes when you said no to his sexual advances. that doesn't make him a gentleman, it makes him smart if he wants to avoid a rape charge. it would have been considered rape if he didn't take no for an answer. he stuck around so long b/c he was hoping to wear you down but good for you that you didn't give in.

my advice, be very careful with this guy. if he does call, you can test things out to see if he really likes you for you or if he just wants a hook up. next time, when he drops you off, don't let him in. kiss him at the door (assuming you want to kiss him) say good night and send him on his way. if he doesn't call you back, then you'll have your answer and you come out on top. if he calls back for a future date, do the same thing. it's a weeding out process. if he really likes you, he will hang in there. if he's just looking for a hook up, you won't hear from him again. now of course, if you're just looking for a hook up then by all means, ignore my advice.

bottom line, a real gentleman and a guy that was really interested in you for you would not have liquored you up to loosen your inhibitions in hopes of hooking up with you. good luck. i hope that this guy is genuine, but my instincts and life experience tells me that he's out for one thing. just my 2 cents.

-swan

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 8:46am

Well i asked my friends if they thought he was trying to get me drunk and they said no. I even said to him that night and the next morning that he was trying to get me drunk (jokingly) He obviously said no. I mean he just got me about 2 or 3 drinks in a span of about 3 hours. I'm not trying to sound naive, but i dont think it's all that uncommon for a guy to buy a girl drinks. If anything, it's customary. He isnt a sleezeball.

Whatever...i guess i've just had it and i'm beginning to wonder what's wrong with me. I'm young, attractive, have a good job, have a life outside of work, but i feel like i rarely meet guys. Maybe i dont go out enough. Like i said, i had put guys on the backburner for about 3 months...and then I did this. I didnt think it was that bad...but apparently people here do.

Avatar for swan577
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:48am

First of all, let me apologize if I have offended you in any way. That certainly wasn't my intention. I was just trying to get you to see things from another point of view. Words don't always translate the way that we intend so please accept my apology.

You never stated in your original post how many drinks the guy bought you. All you said was that he kept buying you drinks. How was I to know that it meant only 3? I was going on the information that you gave me. Yes it is customary for a guy to buy drinks for a woman. I'm not saying that he was wrong to buy you drinks. But know that he did have an alterior motive. Just b/c he didn't overtly act like a sleezeball as you put it, doesn't mean that he wasn't trying to just hook up.

I never said that he was trying to get you drunk but I did state that he was trying to loosen your inhibitions. You said, "I even said to him that night and the next morning that he was trying to get me drunk (jokingly) He obviously said no." Sweetheart, do you honestly think that he would tell you that he was trying to get you drunk even if he was.

There is nothing wrong with you so I don't want you to go around beating yourself up for what happened or for what didn't happen. You are a respectable young lady. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging you for what happened...I would never do that so please don't think that I was scolding you. I was just trying to let you know that this guy had alterior motives and to let you know that you should be very careful in the future. From your originaly post, it seemed to me that you were perhaps interested in this guy as more than a hook up and that's why you didn't have sex with him. Based on that, I wanted to give you a heads up and a beware to protect your heart in case he doesn't call b/c he didn't get what he set out for.

Being an attractive young lady with a lot going on is no guarantee to meeting good guys...in fact, it sometimes tends to draw the flies so to speak. I know that you are a bit discouraged but hang in there. Honestly, there aren't a lot of quality guys out there but they do exist and I know this for a fact. I can tell that you are a smart, respectable, good woman. Just make sure that you never lower your standards no matter how tough it gets to meet guys. When you lower the bar, you're sure to get low quality guys and you're so much better than that. Dating is tough but hang in there. When you get discouraged, it's never a bad idea to take a break from the dating scene. You'll be surprised at how much you learn about yourself, relationships and people in general when you aren't in a relationship.

Good luck and again, I apologize if I may have unintentionally offended you. Hugs and good luck with your situation.

-Swan

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:00pm
no you didnt offend me. I geuss i was feeling like people were really only looking at the worst possible scenario here. And perhaps that is what i am dealing with. Maybe this guy is a complete ass who just wanted to get me drunk and bang me-possible, but i guess i didnt really see it that way. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. If he doenst call me it could be for many reasons-maybe i was just his conquest for that night, maybe he decided he didnt like, maybe he has a girlfriend, maybe he's gay-there are so many reasons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:28pm
It's possible he was trying to get you loose, but it's more suspicious to me that he was so interested in taking you home. If he was a nice mature guy there'd probably be an extra step between talking to you at a party and taking you home. You were smart not to go too far, and the best sign I can see is that he wanted to exchange numbers, but even if he does want something more, you're still stuck with a guy who doesn't call in time, which makes him an ass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:39pm
so what do you think is an appropriate time to call? I just saw him sunday afternoon. Most people wouldnt call that night or even the next day. It seems like people normally would call wed-mid week. If he doesnt call by then...i'd say we woulndt get along
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:50pm
Yeah, mid-week. Go with your gut.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:54pm
yeah any longer than mid week (unless it's extraordinary circumstances) I'd just say they arent interetsed enough