Dating and Relationship Books

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Dating and Relationship Books
19
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 6:51am
Hi!! Anyone out there have any recommendations on good books about Dating, relationships, self help etc.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 1:54pm

Dear Savannah:

I hear you, my sista! Yes, in Mars and Venus on a Date, John Gray describes this dynamic perfectly: you're with a guy, there's huge attraction, you feel like you're on a drug or something when you're with him, you become sexually intimate, you're in love.

He, on the other hand is attracted, but can't seem to progress emotionally to anything deeper or more (egads!) committed. You feel emotionally drained, even used, but you're so in love, you pursue him--you call, you text, you email, even if you don't do these things, you wait by the phone or PC hoping he'll call. You seem only to live when he's in your picture, and you feel empty when he's not there.

Soon, your need of him escalates. He doesn't give you any emotional reassurance, which is the fuel your passion needs. You speak to him about it, and he blames you for being dependent, needy, or clingy.

If any of that sounds like your dynamic, please come to the mars venus message boards! You are ripe for our collective wisdom. Sweetie, I can feel this pain in my own heart, having recently been there! Hope to see you on the other board soon. beyondmeasure

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 5:24pm

JerseyGirl-

I know exactly where you are coming from, and I know how hard it is to let go. Look, there are books out there, and one of my favorites (Besides my soon to be completed book "On the Road to Mr Right", of course)is He's Just Not That Into You. Although some of it is exaagerated, it really makes a good point- that we women deserve better.

But a book won't help as much as a session of intense soul-searching on your part. I'm not sure what your background in relationships is, or your view of yourself, but here's my take on it. We get one shot at life (assuming you don't believe in reincarnation). And you only get a certain amount of "tomorrows"- and none of us know the exact amount. So, you need to fill each day with things and people and experiences that make YOU happy. If someone/something doesn't make you happy, leave! This leads me to advice #1: Love yourself, and acknowledge that you are worth it!

Easier said than done, so try this- it works.... Sit down and write at the top of a piece of paper "2006 was a Success If...) Make a list of 20 things that you have wanted to accomplish (make some small things- fix the yard, and some big... like for me, finish my book). Put in a few alternatives (I did either run 5 5Ks, run 1 half-marathon or 1 marathon). Try to accomplish 10 of them, and check them off as you do them.

And if the goal is big (like writing a book, was for me) break it down into small steps and figure out how to get from point A to point B. This leads me to advice #2: Fill your life with dreams and chase them actively

(There is a point to this, I swear! Keep reading...)

Advice #3: Realize that we are all on the road to Mr. Right, and their are signs to guide our way. The fact that this moron did not acknowledge your birthday is a major BLASTING ZONE sign! This man is heartless, and he will hurt you, time and time again. You have a Mr. Right- I promise! And THAT man will not only acknowledge your birthday, but make you feel like the princess you are. And he will call (a lot) and he will want to spend lots of time with you too!

You're last sentence worries me, though- "yet here I sit, allowing someone to treat me so badly". Why are you doing that? You don't have to tell me, unless you want to...but think about why you would do such a thing. Do you not think you are worthy (Re-read Advice #1) or do you think he's the last chance you have (See advice #3)??

Get out there and dump that loser on the side of the road, and start chasing your dreams- you'll find your life more fulfilling- and in the process most likely attract a man who loves a woman who is confident and on a mission!

I'm here if you want to talk more!

Savannah
www.ontheroadtomrright.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 8:23am
Hi thanks for all the great advice! I cant find this marsvenus board?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 9:08am

Dear Jerseygirl:

I don't think I'm allowed to put the URL in here, but just google mars venus or marsvenus and the site will appear in your searches.

When you arrive, be sure to say hello to "beyondmeasure" especially if you use another nickname (I'm a different name out there) so I'll recognize you.

This a great board too, but the mv board has many women tackling their difficulties with non committal men, so it's a very focused group. I recommend starting with the thread, "When a Man Pulls Away."

Good luck, sweetie!! There's a lot of love and wisdom out there--just tap into it! beyondmeasure

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 9:35am
Thanks I found it and registered! Im using the same name here, jerseygirl2006!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 12:29pm
I saw, JG06--I replied as passionpuddle! Enuff can be gruff, but she means well. Keep posting and learning! You're a great woman!!! beyondmeasure
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 12:50pm

Thanks beyondmeasure!! I too felt she was a little rough. One thing I cant deal with on the boards, no matter what site it is, is men haters. I find that attitude alot. I mean okay we've all been hurt at some point. But not every situation is the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:04am

Hi JG06:

Yeh, I'm sorry that she was offputting, but I hope you'll continue on that board as well as out here. In a short time, I have made such really good friends with several posters--in fact, we're getting together in June. And there truly is a ton of wisdom out there.

When I first began reading about marsvenus principles, I thought--"God, how archaic!" But, thousands of years of conditioning in our roles and not much has changed! Men still like to pursue and have a JOB earning a woman's love, and women need to hold themselves in high esteem to attract a high-quality guy.

So, keep coming to the boards everywhere--our root common wisdom is the same! Best wishes, beyondmeasure

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 12:47pm
Maybe you can help me out. On that board I have now posted 2 replies the last 2 days and neither are there?? What am I doing wrong ??

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