DATING ISSUES

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
DATING ISSUES
3
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 11:31pm

Hey

Im new to this board, Well i would like advice from anyone on here. I am challenged when it comes to dating. I rarely meet any men . I am 22year old college student. I know that i am an attractive female , but when it comes to socializing in large groups and the whole clubbing thing, I am not good at all. In the past ive met guys online only and sort of dated them for awhile until it disintegrated . I am a quiet , or as my friends would say a reserved person if i dont know someone. When I get to know them better , I am more open. I feel like the dating thing is such a challenge for me because im not into flirting , it feels unnatural to me. Basically I have no dating skills whatsover and I feel like im getting older , but im not learning anything in terms of dating. When i was younger i wasnt allowed to d ate. I have went out with guys in the past , but have not had a REAL relationship. I have not had a steady ( Real ) boyfriend . Would anyone like to give me advice on how to:

1. Be more aggressive in terms of dating and finding what i want
2. MOre sociable
3. Flirting skills ( cause im lacking :( )
4. Tips , cause im BEHIND.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gemini_83
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 1:26am

gemini_83...

WELCOME TO THE BOARD!

Pianoguy would like to toss a few thoughts out....which you can accept, reject or completely ignore.

1. Aggressiveness in dating? It might be a better idea to "network yourself" a little more? If you're not comfortable in large social situations....then try to connect with a group of people who have interests that are similar to yours? Take an enrichment class if your college curriculum isn't completely filled. Doing volunteer work for a charity you believe in will certainly get you noticed. And if you're religious...there's always...SUNDAY CHURCH SERVICE!

2. You'd be amazed at how many doors the word: "HELLO" can open!!! I use it all the time whenever I'd like to get to know somebody? Most of the time...there's a response and a short conversation.

3. DON'T DO SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL AWKWARD OR WILL DEVELOP INTO UNNECESSARY STRESS. Flirting is fine for women (or men) who are capable of doing it. Some of us can easily adapt to the process. But others don't have the slightest clue about how much and with whom? It's a better idea to be friendly and....BE YOURSELF!

4. I don't think there's a "one size fits all" answer to this....other than "avoid misrepresenting yourself!" Unfortunately, most people form their opinions about you based on a FIRST IMPRESSION! So if your mannerisms, behavior, or some other aspect of your personality makes someone you're interested in---'more than a little uncomfortable'---their conversations with you will be VERY SHORT!

Your first encounter with anybody should be 'generic' and light. Keep any "war stories about your past" to yourself. Give "a potential Mr. Right" the chance to get to know you and observe the warm, lovely, charming woman you are!

GOOD LUCK!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: gemini_83
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 5:56am

Hi, Gemini! Excellent advice from Pianoguy, especially the part about participating in activities in order to meet people and become comfortable with them. Not everyone is a flirt, so flirting tips may not do you any good (they certainly wouldn't have helped me--I always froze up when my friends tried to encourage me to flirt), but everyone likes a good listener, and every organization needs another pair of hands.

I guarantee you that if you go to the local volunteer clinic, the community food pantry, or the Girl Scouts, they will give you something to do. If you like to work with your hands (or want to learn how), try Habitat for Humanity. A community theater group is good, too--they are swamped with people who want to be onstage, but always need folks to build sets and costumes, do makeup, and take tickets. You need to be DOING SOMETHING, so you'll have ready-made conversation without the need to feel self-conscious. Then, listen carefully to what the people around you are saying, and ask questions to encourage them to talk some more. You will also be able to add your own thoughts, and they will get to know you as you get to know them.

As you all become comfortable with each other, the group will want to go out for coffee or pizza, and you will go with them. After a few weeks of this, you will have a lot of new friends, a new activity to enjoy, and a new way to meet people. Then just give it time. You aren't going to meet a guy who shares your standards and values every time you walk out the door, so don't feel anxious if it takes awhile.

This will all work out for you, Gemini. Please keep posting, and let us know how it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: gemini_83
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 3:16pm

Gemini, you have got some excellent advice here. So do you think you will try this? Is it something you have tried before? Let us know how it all goes.

Photobucket