Dating Newbie Confused--HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Dating Newbie Confused--HELP!
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:45am

Last night I went out on a date with this guy I knew in high school and in college. We never hung out together in either one, except one time in college. He eventually transferred to a different college and then joined the Marines. I had seen him a few times after he left during the summer breaks at home. He'd stop by at the store I was working at to chit-chat. When I found out he was going to be deployed, I contacted him or he contacted me (can't remember). We went out on a date, movies and drinks, and had a great time. He was then deployed to Iraq for 7 months and since I had no way of communicating with him, I just waited to hear back from him.

A couple of weeks ago, we had talked on Facebook for a few hours. He asked for my number to contact me whenever he got back up here from school (not on active duty, went back for degree). So last week he called and we decided to get together this past weekend. We went out bowling, drinks, dinner and had a great time. Before dinner had gotten to the table, he was being all cutesy and affectionate by holding my hands. We held hands the rest of the night at the casino boat. We played a few cards games, he kept buying the drinks, I was going easy on them because only a few gets me tipsy and tired. At one point I realized he was REALLY liking me, just by the way he was looking at me, talking, holding hands, etc. He tried to start making out in the casino, but I put a stop to that. We got done and walked back to my car, where we held hands some more.

We were saying good nights and I knew he wanted to kiss me and I did want to be kissed. He wished he would have gotten to know me better in high school and college, but was too timid and shy (as am I). He said I had gorgeous eyes, beautiful smile, beautiful nose, etc. It sounded a bit cheesy and I of course didn't know what to do except say thank you (according to the article about that on The only problem is is that no guy has EVER said that to me, even the bf I had for a few months, so I was in a state of shock, sort of. Then he pulled out the big gun and said: "I get lost in your eyes. I couldn't take my eyes off of you for a second." I now felt like a ton of bricks just hit me. I had nothing in my mind...blank. I didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe that no guy that I have dated which hasn't been many; 2 to be exact. I tried to explain that I am confused and a bit shocked because he piled up all those emotions onto me. I do like him, a lot. We have soooo many things in common, its crazy. I texted him today, thanking him for a great time and apologized for acting so weird after he said all that.

It all just seemed so weird and it felt like I was suppose to just wrap my arms around him and kiss him, hard and passionate, but I somewhat froze. Then he was hating himself for saying it all, because to me, it felt too fast, but he was being sincere and honest and that this was not all a line: it was the God's honest truth. He wants to date me more, wants to buy me drinks, dinner, go bowling, etc. It seems like I have found my Prince Charming and I just can't see him standing right in front of me.

I need anybody's help. Because this is so new to me and to let you know, I had never dated in high school. I had crushes on guys, but nothing came of it. I wanted to date in college, but I didn't know how to do that. Had a few dates via online guys, but none successful. But this guy who I've seen since I was 14/15, had a crush on me, never told me and now that he has I am freaked out.

Sorry for this long, winded thing but I needed to get all the major details in there to help you readers to understand my dilemma. HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 9:53am

Hi daisygal,

You were very smart to not make out with him on the first date. It's always a lot smarter to take things slowly at the beginning. It's very common for a new love to deluge you with compliments, even though your last man didn't. Men are always wonderful in the beginning, that's why it's wise to take things slowly as to guard your heart a little until you see how he will be in the long run.

Over time, you will see how he treats you. My must-haves in a relationship include these traits in a man: kindness, affectionate, respectful, faithful, financially responsible, fun, sexually compatible, and one who makes time for me. He must also have the same life goals as me. For me it was being together for a lifetime, with no more children, as I'm divorced and already have grown children. For a younger woman, it's whether or not she wants children in the future, and is her man on the same page?

If a man lacks any of these essential qualities, cut him loose and keep on searching until you find one that meets all of your main needs. You only have one life to live on this earth, and you cannot settle.

In general, men will always try to have sex with you as soon as possible. If your goal is to have a long term relationship with this man, try putting off having sex with him for a few months. If he's willing to stick around for a few months until you are ready, he might be long term material. If his goal was to have sex and move on, he might not have the patience. If your goal is to wait, always have dates in public, and try not to be alone at one another's homes--it's too tempting. Good luck to you.