Definng a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Definng a relationship?
7
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 10:00pm
I met a guy off of an online dating website. We started dating a month ago. We get along extremely well, he is italian (as am I) which is actually quite nice,wants kids, he is a talented, successful, funny man. And we instantly clicked. This past weekend, we moved on to sleeping together. He took me to a 5 star restaurant and then he reserved us a 5 star hotel room for our first time. It was probably the best night of my sexual existence lol. He is so sweet and he can't keep his hands off of me even before we moved it forward. Holding hands, walking with his hand on my hip,his hand on my leg in the car etc. He even came up behind me when I was brushing my teeth a couple weeks ago and commented on what a good looking couple we would make. My question is this....Now that we have been together sexually would it be too bold of me to ask if he is going to continue to date other people? I just think that I should because it is my emotional and health at risk. And he still has his ad up and checks it:( He calls me every night after he gets off work and we talk for hours, he text me and emails me through the day...everything else about it says he really likes me...and he isn't rich so I wouldn't think that if he didn't like me he wouldn't spend that kind of cash on making it special...Now the emotions are raging because of the sex as well....What do I do? I don't want to scare him away with all this girly bull crap...But I don't want to set myself up for heart break either....
Gina
Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 10:42pm

"Now that we have been together sexually would it be too bold of me to ask if he is going to continue to date other people?"

Actually, I'm amazed and astounded that you didn't ask him this BEFORE you started sleeping with him. You have the right to know who you're sleeping with - And when you sleep with someone you are sleeping with everyone else they're having sex with. Sorry to get gross but that's how it is!!

BY ALL MEANS, tell him you are not interested in being with anyone else and that you hope he feels the same. I think his intentions toward you, while highly sexual, are probably also leaning toward wanting a relationship with you at some point. If he really likes you as much as he shows, he'll be thrilled to be exclusive with you. If he's not interested, he'll get scared. You owe it to yourself to find out before you go further!

For the record my guy of 4 years and I were exclusive from the second date... When you really like someone it's obvious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 12:30am
I did ask if he was dating anyone on the website, and he said he hadn't gone in a date in 8 months on there until me,and that talking to the girls on there was like trying to shoot pool with a rope. and that I had personality which stood out in my letters,then he also said it had been a year since he had been intimate with anyone. But like I said the fact that he checks his ad still is the main part that bothers me.
Gina
Gina
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 1:16am

I think it's important to discuss things like exclusivity and taking your profiles down (which IMO is part of being exclusive) before sleeping together because afterwards, your emotions go wild (as you're experiencing).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 7:24am
I agree with northwest - If a guy is really into you after getting to know you, it will take a LOT more than "let's take down our profiles" to scare him off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 9:47am

gina_marie1982,


Welcome to the board! It sounds to me that the guy you are seeing really enjoys your company. I agree with the other posters that you should definitely bring up the subject of exclusivity. I understand that you may want to "play it cool", but the truth is, you aren't comfortable continuing a sexual relationship with a person who is not your boyfriend. Tell him. That's the only way. You can start it off from the "I need to know that you're not sleeping with someone else since we are sleeping together" point of view. Good Luck, and let us know how it goes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 7:01pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 11:43am
I agree with the others - I think you need to tell him how you feel about being exclusive, and if he balks a the idea, then you'll know he isn't the right one for you.

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