A Delima

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
A Delima
1
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 11:17am

Remember I was telling you about my friend for a year that I haven’t kissed, hugged, allowed to see my daughter, or anything. Well last night he came by with his test results in hand ready for me to see it. He thought that- that was it, and we could go ahead and handle it right then and now, but I told him that we had to wait. He's a little frustrated stating that he is looking forward to it and getting tired of waiting, (that’s not what I am concerned about)

Instead I am concerned about now this has been talk about nothing but sex, he can not come off of it, now there’s all this pressure to perform, which is killing me. Would I be in the wrong to tell him that we aren’t ready, because seriously after talking to him three times today (which he never calls that damn much any other time) I don’t think he can distinguish what this step means to us. Instead, I gave him an ultimatum; I said that before sex he needs to tell me what he is looking for out of this a friendship or a relationship.
What I am concerned about is that if he says friendship I will hurt his feelings by saying that we should not have sex, (I will feel especially bad that I made him go through all that paperwork for nothing) I am in the wrong for telling him something that I knew wasn’t going to happen, if he didn’t feel the same way as I do. But anyhow how can I fix this mess? What is the nice way of telling him that we should wait even longer?

Yeah I know I need my ass whooped for getting his hopes up.
~Dani

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 6:05pm

Exactly why would you think he wants more "as a result of sex" - than friendship?

Basically, you've put the guy thru hoops with a fake promise - that if you're clean I"ll set up a sexually beneficial only relationship with you.

If he wanted to date - he'd ask you out. If he wanted to estabilsh a relationship he'd let you know.

He doesn't want to date, he doesn't want a relationship, he wants SEX.....and you've basically told him if you go thru these hoops because I have a child and thus obligations to my health - you'll get sex.

And now you're going to tell him"If you can't promise me a relationship, if you can't make my life complete, my dreams come true, and make me happy and successful, I won't have sex with you".

Come on - that's how you got knocked up and became a single mother to begin wtih. Giving sex a power it doesn't have, and giving yourself over to men thinking they ability to make you into what you're not at the core fundamental level.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com