DESPERATE FOR HELP!!!!!
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DESPERATE FOR HELP!!!!!
| Sun, 10-30-2005 - 2:09pm |
I am 31 years old and have been married for 9 years. My husband and I got married young. We dated in high school and all through college and immediately got married. Our first year into the marriage things started to change. He worked alot and then would come home and play video games instead of being with me. It really hurt and I turned to my best friend, who happens to be male. We spent alot of time together at working and getting our master degrees together. We ended up falling in love. He told me he thought that we were soulmates and that he loved me. I felt the same way. I can't describe it, but it just seemed right. I knew that I was married, but we weren't happy. I thought about ending my marriage, but was afraid of what everyone would think (huge problem of mine). Then, I got pregnant and I decided to stay with my husband for our child. The relationship with my friend continued and he became more of a dad to my daughter than my husband. I wanted to end my marriage, but didn't know how. My friend said that he would wait forever for me because we were meant to be together. I felt guilty making him wait, but the relationship continued. A couple years later, my second child was born and my friend was so sad, he thought that I was choosing not to be with him. Our relationship continued. 10 years later...we have been together. It has been harder the last few years because we don't work together anymore and the kids are getting older, so it's harder for us to be together. I've also had events occur in my life that have left me feeling depressed, I haven't gotten help and have been a different person. I told my friend that I felt bad him waiting for me, but never said I didn't love him anymore. He is the one that I want to be with. Well, this week I found out on my own that he met someone. I've asked him recently if there was anyone else in his life and he said no. Now, I find out he's been seeing someone for a month and they have slept together. He said that he thought I didn't want to be with him anymore, that he thought I knew that things had changed. I've been depressed I don't know what is going on with me never mind anyone else. I've told him I still love him, I told my husband I'm not happy with the choices I've made and maybe we should seperate. I don't know what to do. My friend wants to see what will happen with this girl. He said he still loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. He said he's probably making the biggest mistake of his life and that we probably will be together, but he needs to see. He said he wishes he had told me months ago that he felt that I didn't care anymore. He is such a big part of my life and my kids lives. I am such an emotional person and don't deal with things real well. I haven't eaten in 5 days and am not sleeping. I want to call him every second to tell him I do love him, I get sick thinking about him with someone else. I stupidly emailed the other girl, so that she knew how I felt about him and that I would leave my husband for my friend. She knows all about me and he's told her he still loves me and that we are souldmates. She's afraid he'll come back to me. I just don't know what to do. I am going to try and talk to a professional this week and hopefully get on some meds. But, right now I need some advice. I don't want to sound like this selfish b&&*h there are alot of other things with my husband that I don't want to get into. I just want advice on how to deal with my best friend. Thanks

I am really confused about this post. So pardon if I don't understand something correctly...
Shouldn't your husband be your best male friend? you needed a divorce when this otherguy became #1!
Your husband and kids are the biggest victims here. Your thoughts should be of them.
Let your best friend enjoy his new girlfriend. doesn't he deserve some fun after so many years of waiting around? It has been unbelievable that you occupied two men for so long, really neither being faithful in your heart to either!!
I guess This does sounds really harsh, but you kid of list your children off as a grocery list of mistakes and they are really feeling needing people, of course.
Get a divorce, take care of those kids, apologise to hubby and wish him well, and leave this other guy alone while he's having fun.
It seems as though you've had your cake and been eating it too.
The problem now is there is no cake left to eat and you're pissed and jealous. Pissed that the other guy has a new girl. Jealous because you thought you were the only one.
How long did you expect this to go on? Both of these men deserve the love of a woman 100%.... not when it's convenient for you. You have been very selfish my dear, and I feel bad for your husband for decieving him for so many years... shame on you.
I don't see your husband as being a "bad" one, otherwise that would have been reason enough for you to leave him before this.
Your "friend" will problably never trust you anyway.... after all, look how you've spent the last 10 years of your marriage to your husband. The friend waited, the friend wasn't chosen, the friend has found another.
Using the kids as an excuse is lame, in my opinion. If you didn't want to be with your husband, you shouldn't have been having his kids.
This may sound harsh, but maybe that is what you need to wake up out of this little secret existance you've been hiding for so many years.
There is never a good excuse for doing this sort of thing. If your heart belongs to another, tell your husband so he can finally have the chance to be loved by another... he hasn't been getting it from his wife obvioulsy.
IMHP -- come clean.