Destined to be alone and single forever?

Avatar for eliancat2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Destined to be alone and single forever?
11
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 9:56am

Sometimes I just don't understand how a man will ever love me....or if I'll ever be in love again..

I had a sobfest last night over this. I'm pretty happy with my life. But I get in these moods once in a while. It just seems like all the guys I meet like to get drunk constantly, or don't want anything serious, or want to jump INTO something serious without really knowing me, or become obsessive-stalkerish and weird, or there is no attraction, or they are thugs or players, or they choose another girl, etc. etc.

I know what I want in a guy, but how do I stop looking for it? And how do I stop feeling so lonely??

I'm losing all of my friends to marriage, that is how it feels anyway. When (if? :o( ) I get married, I'll still want to keep all of my friends. Why am I now a disposable friend??

Am I not worthy of a passionate love and marriage? Did I do something wrong? Is it impossible for a man to love me?

I'm sorry, truly I don't try to wallow in self-pity. I always say if you believe in it, it will happen. But sometimes it's hard to feel that way. I'm 25, I feel like I'm too old now for any of it. Aren't these depressing thoughts? Just feeling lonely for those things I want more than anything.....I have felt so off-center lately, I really need to center myself.

Thanks for listening. :o( I hate feeling this way.

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Avatar for eliancat2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 10:22am
Please. I could really use some support and advice. I feel really crummy right now.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:00pm

Hugs.


Im curious, you wrote, "I know what I want in a guy, but how do I stop looking for it? And how do I stop feeling so lonely??"


why do you have to stop looking for it? Is it too specific? Maybe not realistic?


Also, just cuz ppl get married, doesn't mean you should lose their friendship. Friendships do change as we age, but we learn to work with it.


You do deserve to find love and to be loved.....you say no man would want you, why? You should look into WHY you have been choosing the men you have. Granted though, if all those bad guys were only first to third dates, then you can't help that if they lie....but maybe you're attracted to the bad boy type.


What ARE you looking for?


BTW, I think we all go thru those funks. You're not alone, an you're by no means old.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:12pm

Hugs to you.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:37pm
I am a 28 year old SF - I am SO happy to not be married. Don't get me wrong, I eventually want to get married, but I love the life I have with me! Everyone IS worthy to be loved and to love, don't cut yourself short! Be happy that you are single and can enjoy it- go where you want, when you want, with who you want, and the right guy will come along. I've always been told - quit looking for it and it will happen when you least expect it - and that is the truth! Best of luck and keep your chin up- you ARE worthy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 7:52pm
I completely know how you feel. I have been there before and since I'm having difficulties in my current relationship feel like I might be there again soon. I am 29 and still not married so don't feel like you are old at all. I feel as if all my friends are married too, in fact, oh yeah, pretty much all of them are except for like 2, well maybe more than 2 :-). I guess what I've been trying to tell myself is that it's not bad to not be married. We are just different people at different points in our lives. Some married people end up settling and are not as happy as they would be being single. In fact probably a lot settle because of the pressure that society puts on us to be married at a certain age. At least you do have a shot at meeting someone great since you are single right now. The right one for you is out there and you are in a position right now to meet him. I have been in that phase a few times in my life and who knows might be in it again if I can't get my current relationship to work, so don't feel as if you are alone. There are plenty of people who feel the same way. But keep your chin up, be patient. Good things come to those that wait. You never know, you may meet him tomorrow. But until you do, really try to be as happy as you can in your position now. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts and try to enjoy the uncertainty too because you never know how many wonderful people you are going to meet along the way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 8:31pm

Ditto to the previous posts.

Next week will mark the anniversary of the most horrific day of my life--my husband's death by his own hand. In the year since then I've been single for the only time in my adult life. There were (some, not many) days I struggled w/the 'poor me' attitude, but you know what I discovered early on? It's all in how we choose to view the situation. You've been given excellent advice by the previous posters--please heed it. Appreciate and revel in the fact that YOU call the shots in your life. At the ripe old age of 25 , don't be in too much of a hurry to give that up. I'm much older than you and am lovin' every minute of this life--so much so that I'm not giving it up any time soon, despite the myriad of offers I'm receiving. It's FUN to play, which is exactly what YOU should be doing at this time in your life, not mourning. Get out there, enjoy each day as though it's your last, and the man about whom you're dreaming will find you when you least expect it.

I wish you the best.

Vicki

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 11:28pm

Hi,

I'm sorry that you feel so down, but during these periods of which you think that you could never be loved, just ask yourself why? Why can't you be loved? Be reasonable with yourself and realize that nobody is perfect and perhaps you'll realize that you are very lovable and that you DESERVE love in your life!!

You are only 25 years old, don't worry about catching up to your friends...some people don't even get married in their lifetime and that's fine by them. Don't tell yourself that there's something wrong with you simply because you are not with someone. You are not defined by your relationships. I think that it's good to be single at certain points in your life. It can leave you with a great sense of independence and you can devote yourself finding your identity and what you want out of life.

I think that the majority of relationships that we go through in our lives are simply learning experiences, and suffice for the moment. But, if you want more than that, it's a matter of trial and error. The right man could be someone you meet at the age of 15, or he could come along at the age of 56, and I bet you anything that you could be happy either way.

Why do you think that you become involved with these types of men? Could it be the places that you meet them (i.e. bars, clubs...)? I really don't know, but I'm sure you can find some reason for this. If it is the places that you meet them I would suggest going to a class that you would enjoy (i.e. cooking, dancing...) and perhaps you could meet someone there? And as a plus, you'd already have something in common with them.

Anyways, just relax and try not to get so down on yourself. Loving yourself unconditionally and being confident can really help...maybe it could even attract the type of man that you really would like to have a relationship with. Exuding confidence is very attractive imo. Plus it's always nice to feel at peace with yourself ;O).

I hope that you're feeling better,
Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 12:40pm
Don't despair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 6:53pm

I think you just described my life. Sometimes I feel like I'll never meet the right guy, or that when I do, he won't think I'm right for him. My last relationship didn't work out, and I'm still dwelling on that, because it was pretty recent and I've loved this guy for years, but he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. He did tell me he was self-centered, so it's not like I wasn't warned.
I try to tell myself that if I end up alone, it won't be the end of the world, but I don't really feel that way. It doesn't help that all of my friends are married or headed toward marriage.

The only advice I can give is to try to remember the positive things in your life and don't give up hope. They say there's someone for everyone, and on my good days, I believe it. Just try not to settle for the wrong guy in order to avoid being alone. I once dated a complete jerk for two years because I wanted to be with somebody, and now I regret it because I might have met somebody really great during that time if it hadn't been wasted on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:46pm
I was in a funk a couple months ago and
it felt like I was never going to find
someone. I still haven't but I am feeling
better about myself. Being alone isn't that
bad. I have found friends on www.mary.com
and it is fun to chat. Who knows maybe what
is in store for me, but right now, I am just
along for the ride.

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