Did I do the right thing....PLEASE help!
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Did I do the right thing....PLEASE help!
| Wed, 07-06-2005 - 12:48am |
Hi! I had been "dating" this guy for 3 months. We had met 2 years ago at a bar and had been running into each other ever since. We went home together one night but NEVER had sex. He called me that very day. We would meet each other out and hang out together at each others houses. We never went on an official date in 3 months. Right before he met me he broke up w/his girlfiend of over a year. They broke up because she wanted to get married and have kids and he didn't want that w/her. About a month ago I started getting irritated because he never took me out on an official date just the two of us. When I confronted him about this he told me that if he took me out to all these places that he was afraid that I would assume that we were boyfriend/girlfiend. You see he had always been honest w/me before and had told me that he didn't want a girlfriend right now because he just got out of a relationship. I told him that I needed time to think about what I wanted. I left for vacation that next morning. I was gone for 3 days and the day before I came home he called me to tell me that he missed me. We never had sex only oral during these 3 months . I couldn't do it without a commitment. Yesterday I met him out and he was obviously flirting w/ a girl right in front of me. I let him know what I picked up on and he denied it and said she was his friend's girlfriends friend and had a boyfriend. I basically told him that I needed to end things w/him because I needed a commitment. He said that he told me that he just got out of a relationship and didn't want a girlfriend and asked me why I wanted to make things complicated. I then told him that I thought we needed to end things. I told him that if I really meant that much to him it wouldn't matter that he just got out of a relationship. He asked me if he could still call me and I said NO. He asked why and I said because I had feelings for him and I couldn't talk to him because I had feelings. It would be too hard. He said okay and did admit that he had feelings too. My question is was I correct in saying that no matter if he just got out of a relationship just before he met me if I was worth it he would make it work whether he was ready for a commitment or not.....right? Also, why would he still want to call me if he couldn't commit to me. Please give me any input....Thank you!

It's never wrong to do what is best for yourself, which is what you did. You needed a commitment. He couldn't give you one. You knew it would be to hard for you to see or talk to him so you asked him not to call. You did the right thing.
As for why he would still want to call... It's exactly why you think and exactly what you DON'T want to hear. It's becasue he's hoping you'll change your mind and he'll get more oral sex from you to tide him over until a girl he does want to make a commitment to comes along or one that will have sex with him does.
He's been pretty straightforward with you. He's into hanging out and having oral sex with you. He doesn't want to give you any more then that. The whole just getting out of a realtionship thing is just an excuse to keep you coming around, hoping after enough time passes you'll get more and in the mean time you'll leave him alone about the commitment issue and keep giving him head.
Don't you feel bad about it. It happens to all of us until we have enough experience to fine tune our BS meters and even then sometimes we are fooled. :) It's because we are hopeful romantics. We keep hoping that if we keep trying the right guy will come along. That's a GOOD thing. Hope is a GOOD thing. And it is justified, the right guy will come along, you just have to keep looking.
It's only natural for you to hope that one day soon he might realize what he missed out on. I think we all feel that way when things don't work out. Our egos need that hope.
Heck, there's some small part of me that kind of hopes my exs are miserable with their wives (and I dumped two of them) and I've long since moved on and found a great guy. There's always just that little egotistical part of you that kind of wants your ex to be miserable without you even when the bigger part wishes them all the best. It's just part of the human condition. Not a great part, but a part, and that's okay, it makes us all the wonderful imperfect creatures we are.
So don't you give yourself a bad time over it. It's his loss, whether he knows it or not. :)