Did i mess it all up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
Did i mess it all up?
4
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 10:16pm

Hi there,
I need advise.. I was with my boyfriend over a year we were so in love. We travelled together, lots in common and never had a flight ever. We discussed that we think we are sole mates etc. He was after me for 9 months before we got together and feel for him in India last year as travel buddies.

Anyway to make a long story short, i felt he was a little distant over the last week and i felt it so i asked him about us and does he love me (he is shy to say it unlike me). We weren't making love as often and i felt unloved.

So Two saturday nights ago we went to a party mad night lots to drink. A guy we know at the party told him that he was lucky to have such a sexy girlfriend he said nothing then the guy asked could he kiss me i said ok (as a joke)just to get a reaction from my man. I got 7 PECKS on the lips (i sec each appox) no reaction from my boyfriend then i gave out to hime for not stopping me as i was drunk. He said i cant believe you did it (jokingly) and said its over between me and you and went off. I ran after him crying and begged him back but no luck.

I rang him the next day to say how sorry i was, but he needed space so i meet him 3 days later. He told me i think we are better as friends he loves me but there is something missing. I told him i cant be friends with some one im still attracted to, but we decided to have a break no contact for 2 weeks. I was in bits and I have been crying since. I know he still cares but im lossing hope, coz of that stupet party incident. oh P.S hes last love of 6 years broke as she two timed him... do you think its his past problem?
What you think i should do? Is it me or him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 11:11pm
from wat it looks like its him not you and he used that as an excuse to get out of it, something else seemed to with him before that. well i guess you have to give him his space for now and see wat happens good luck i feel bad that youre hurting thou hopefully he will see that hes wrong and hopefully you guys can have a good talk about everything good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 7:41am

It's hard to say without being in the situation but, I tend to say it's best to believe what a man tells you and what he told you is thta he loves you but something is missing NOT that he's upset about the little kisses at the party.

I agree with the other poster, form what you have written I would say it was ending before the kissing incident and that just made it more clear to him that the two of you make great friends, but aren't neccessarily great romantic partners.

Give him the two weeks and see what he has to say then but prepare yourself for him to let you down easy. It seems like the two of you have a genuine affection, but it isn't the stuff that makes you meant to be.

I'm sorry I know how much it hurts. I've been on both ends, the person who felt it was time to walk away becasue something was misisng and the person being walked away from, I know both sides hurt, but sometimes doing the right thing hurts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 8:24am
I think your b/f was just looking for an excuse to break up. His behavior leading up to the night of the party was indicative of a man wanting out. He is just using what you did that night to make himself feel better about hurting you. If it wasn't that, he would have just found something else. He just wanted out, plain and simple. Your plan backfired on you, that's true...but it's NOT the reason he broke up with you. Give him space and go on with your life with no expectations of getting back with him. Live your life as if y'all won't. Go about healing yourself and put him in the past where he belongs. If it's too uncomfortable for you to remain friends with him at this point, there's nothing that says you have to. You don't owe any explanations. Take a "no apologies, no regrets" attitude about this. Go forward...you can't see the future if you're looking over your shoulder into the past. I wish you the best. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 3:13pm
Here's a different take on the situation: I realize you were drunk at the time, but you did consent to this guy's asking to kiss you. And he kissed you not 1, but 7 times, something which you could have prevented if you'd wanted to.
You say that you "said ok (as a joke)just to get a reaction from my man", so that makes me think that you wouldn't have let this guy kiss you, u just wanted a reaction from your guy to your saying ok. And, really, you should never kid around about things like this, if you are serious about the relationship.
Sorry to say this, but I think it was stupid on your part to allow this guy to kiss you (and 7 times!!!) and then wonder why your BF broke up with you. That's not to say that there weren't other issues- it certainly sounds like there were- and even that he broke up with you b/c of that incident, but if you already know that your relationship was 'on the rocks' it's pretty rash to do something like this (and it takes 2 to tango, remember). I think this incident just brought out the problems u 2 were having, though, so I wouldn't consider it as being the sole cause of the breakup.
i know it's rough, and this is probably not what u wanted to hear, but i had to be honest.
good luck!
~LL