Dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Dilemma
6
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 2:56pm

I am not confused just very scared of what to do. Well, I saw an ex last night he was in town and we visited for a while. Some who have been around for a while may remember this is one I cared about and he even asked me to move with him. Well, we talked a lot and I am just as scared if not more then when he left the first time. The first time he left though I cared I let it go as something not meant to be. But, last night it was brought to me again. Well, before then he had been asking me to come down and always inquired on if I was dating someone or not. Well, he told me if I would have just asked him to stay he would have but reminded me that leaving to go out of town and how he will come back ready when he has gotten things together. Well, here he is gotten things taken care of. Has bought a house, brought me the pics. He told me if I want to just go on a chance and not move with him he will pay for me an apartment till I am comfortable. Get my plane ticket, pay for moving if I decide. He asked how much I made and what I preferred to do and he will begin looking for me a job. Now, that should get rid of all my worries. Of course not that is too easy. Sounds good and I am sure that is what he would do. Heck before moving he gave me an option of where he is and another place. I am excited and all. I am about to come into a little moeny that would be great if I decide to because I will be gfinacially stable to care for me and my son. Ok, the delimma... I am currently seeing a guy they I really enjoy and I notice with him I have the intense passion and excitement the kind you crave when your young and single. The ex and I fit perfectly because he is my kind of guy when it comes to being married and settled. Little disaggreements and get along great. On the other hand the current guy I have a great single time with is jealous, very oppinionated, stubborn, and we argue or have a fall out atleast once every two weeks. Ok, I am sure you are like why are you with him. It is for the fun. I enjoy the time with him and love the time he has being with me. But, if you had to choose at 27 y/o which would it be? I am leaning towards the more stable because that is what I want. I told the ex I will come down and visit which he asked me to do before I say no to moving. So I will go down there before the year is up and check things out. But, some input would be greatly appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 4:24pm

Well, ask yourself this.

Do you want a life filled with passion, which can bring you happy and fun times, but can also bring anger, frustration, fighting, etc also. Passion brings drama. Do you wan tyour life filled with that?

OR

Do you want a life that is more balanced? I am assuming you have some passion for the X. If not, then maybe NEITHER is a choice. Also, what were teh reasons he left? You don't need to answer that to me, but to yourself. Is it something that MAY be repeated in life later? Would he run? Would he stay with you? The reason you two ended comes into play.

And lastly

Remember, you have more choices than A or B.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 4:43pm
I am sure others might want to kow these answers. He left for a job and said it was his last time to move for career and would go and settle down there. I was the one who didn't want to move because of my son. After he had left I begin turning things over and wondering if it were so bad. Then I found out my sons dad moved out of town so there is now no reason for me to have to stay. He has gotten the house as he said and has come. This was not a bad break. It was something I knew was going to happen and he told me yesterday if I would have said something about moving he would have stayed but I went with the flow because I knew it was an option and didn't want to change anyone.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 5:15pm

Makes sense. Let me ask you this much. How close were you two, to marrying, or making that everlasting commitment? And also, did he not ever think of staying for you?

This reminds me of Parent Trap, when in the end, the woman says, "you never came after me". And that's why she never returned. May I ask why you two never continued the r'ship LD?

Lastly, if you feel the r'ship, overall was good, you may wanna give it another try. You never know. Personally, I'd back off with the new guy, and take things SLOW with the X again. Why? Because, I'd rather have calm r'ship, versus a volatile one.

Volatile r'ships CAN work, I've seen them work, where the SO's yell and scream and fight all the time, but still love each other, but I can't live like that anymore. Can you? I'd rather be lacking a bit in the passion/excitement area, for a little less drama, and a lot more peace.

That's just my two cents.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 7:18pm

Marie, if you haven't taken this issue to prayer, I'd encourage you to do so and ask Him for a definite answer. If you have and still don't have a clear-cut answer, I'd encourage you to sit down w/your trusty legal pad and make a list of pros and cons of each guy and situation. Compare each to your list of wants and needs, especially as they relate to your son. Facts are trustworthy, feelings aren't always when they're clouded by emotion.

Having said that, I've found many times in my life where I just either didn't or couldn't hear what He was telling me. In those events, I've simply taken the leap and trusted that God would sort out the entire situation. He has, so long as I've kept my eyes on Him and not been distracted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 8:57am
Thanks, I did pray and I came to my decision. I will go down and visit and see how things are. If it is what I expect I will plan to make a move within a year of that. I thought about it after hereing the current go rant and rave over an issue and I started feeling like I did when I was with my ex-h and I began to get bitter and just wanted to shut down. I figured I am not going to through this. I had been saying a lot how I wanted to be married and settled in a calm happy home and that is exactly what I will get. The ex even asked me when he was here what do I want for my future and when I told him he asked do I not see it with him and what it will take. Thank you both for you responses I think I've settled on something now.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 9:02am

Then I get this... I know I am doing the right thing.


"A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes him sure." - Proverbs 16:9


You may have to step out to find out the right thing to do. If you don't hear clearly from God, just step in the direction you think you should go, and then wait for peace. If you lose your peace, back out of wherever you were headed.


Dave and I almost bought two different buildings to house our ministry. We were in negotiations until, one morning, after praying, Dave said, "Joyce, I don't have peace about buying that building. I feel like God is saying, "If you buy that building, you are going to be sorry later." So we waited for peace, and now we have a building that is completely paid for with room to grow. Pray until you find peace.


Have a blessed weekend!

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