Dilemma... wait for him or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Dilemma... wait for him or not?
2
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 4:09pm

I have a big dilemma...
Three weeks ago I met this amazing guy... he's really what I have dreamed about. We became friends so quick and had so much fun together. We met through common friends at a party and then saw each other every day that weekend with our friends.

Then we talked on msn like every night and it was just so much fun talking to him. I usually don't find msn that amusing..

We met at another party and just couldn't keep our hands off each other. We spent the whole evening together, though nothing really happened. BUT then I found out he has a girlfriend.... I actually didn't get very upset then.

Then I met him a few days after and that's when i realized we didn't only have a blast together.. we could talk about really serious things aswell. That's when I began to fall for him. We continued talking on msn for hours and he said it was so nice talking to me. He also mentioned his gf once so he hasn't been dishonest.
Now he's in his hometown for the summer... with his gf I guess. He will probably come here a few times, since this town where our university is is a big tourist resort in summer.

He invited me over to his place last Thursday.. one of his friends was also there. I didn't want to leave.. we had just such a good time together.
The next day I went over to give him some cd's and he gave me a hug when I was about to leave and I told him it's been nice to get to know him. He agreed and said it's just too bad that we didn't get to know each other earlier. But, he added, there will be a fall...

He is just so caring, he cares about me and he is so nice to talk to. He is actually everything I ever wanted in a guy. He's funny, we can talk serious, he's caring, he's sweet and nice. We met only three weeks ago and have already got so close. Some people you can just spend so much time with and it never gets boring.
I smile just by thinking about him... and I wish he was here.

The last time I saw him he gave me his old cellphone and said I can have that over the summer, because mine isn't too good.. isn't that a sign he definitely wants to see me when he gets back?

I know guys and girls can be friends, and it feels like we are but there could definitely be something more. I like him so much and I can tell he likes me too. At least as a very very good friend. I know I can't do anything about the situation. If or if not he will break up with his girlfriend is up to him... but now this is the situation... and I think it's too bad that the guy of my dreams can't be there for me...

Don't just say he's an ass who is doing this to his gf. He hasn't really done anything wrong like making out with me or anything, but I realize she wouldn't be happy if she knew how much time we have spent talking online and together. But if you meet someone new who's really compatiable with you... then you must have the right to spend time with them right?

Now to my dilemma... I have met another guy... not long ago.. I haven't spent more like 1/2 hour with him so i never even got the chance to become interested in him. But we have texted each other now and then and yesterday he called me and said I could come to his apartment for some tea... 2.30 in the morning... I KNOW!! But I went there... we actually had a good time together.. talked and then we made out... he was a really good kisser and all... but nothing more happened.. I went home.

So this guy doesn't have a girlfriend, I'm sure. He seems interested in me. But I can't stop thinking about the guy with gf. When I came home he was the one I thought about... he was the one who's been one my mind today.
But it feels stupid to wait around for someone who might come back after the vacation still having a gf. What should I do... what do you think of this whole situation. What do you think the guy with gf will do. Do you think he sees me as a possible gf?
Should I date this new guy and see what happens there... I just need some advice, and I would be so thankful if you gave me some. Thanks for reading this loong post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2005
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 8:27pm

Hi Bronze,
I know exactly what you're going through. I've been there myself. I would say to forget about the guy with the girlfriend. He obviously has a tendency to be dishonest and perhaps he may cheat on his girlfriend with you. Being the Other Woman feels terrible. You feel disrespected and unworthy and the guy loses respect for you too. I know that you haven't done anything with him, but once he knows that you have a crush on him, he would lose respect for you because he knows that you know that he's in a relationship. It would be hard to be really friends with this guy because you have feelings for him and he knows that and he may try to manipulate you into a cheating situation.

The truth is that a few years ago, I made out with a Married Guy. I was so attracted to him and liked him so much, but at the same time, I felt terrible about myself and what I did with him. In spite of that, he was on my mind all the time for many, many months and I had to actually force myself not to see him or spend time with him again...and he respects me more for it. I can sense that when we bump into each other.

In terms of the new guy, he seems kind of fast - inviting you to his place at 2.30 in the morning? Can't he invite you on a proper date - like dinner and a movie? Maybe he's not worth it either. Only time will tell.

I would recommend these books "He's just not that into you" and "Still Single? You don't have to be". They've helped me a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 7:10am
Try to make more friends n keep yourself busy till u hv no time to think about him. Be less available. Time can tell whether he is worth for you to wait..he may come to you one day if he still has the feeling on you.