do i wait? or move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
do i wait? or move on?
4
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 4:01pm

About 3 years ago, I met a guy (we will call him George) in college. We were just friends and then the last day of class he asked me for my phone number. We ended up hooking up and had a great relationship for almost a year. George and I ended up going our different ways because he had some personal issues to deal with concerning his son and son's mother.

We continued to talk on a weekly basis and in the mean time, I found another love.
When he found out, I could tell he was devistated. The new love and I grew very close and had a child together. The relationship with my child's father was very abusive and bad. When I found out I was pregnant George begged me not to be with the man b/c he knew how he was and wanted me to just have the baby and be with him.

Being scared, young, and not thinking I didn't choose George, of course I chose to be with the father of my son.

My child is one year old now.. and I've gotten out of the relationship I should have gotten out of a long time ago. Over the past year, George calls me all the time to check in and see how I'm doing.. always commenting on how I need to get out and I deserve better. We had both gotten into new live in relationships but always continued to talk. I finally did it, NOT FOR GEORGE, but for me and my son.

George was happy and helped me move out of my house becuase I was scared to stay there even though my son's father was long gone. George kept emphasizing how I needed to take the time to heal and learn to love myself before jumping into anything. Which he is totally right..

He is still with his girlfriend and I'm confused. When he helped me move he kissed me and said "you are the one who needs time, not me"... now he's acting like he wants me to push him away or something. I've asked him to come up and visit (he lives about 30 min away) and he won't tell me no but last minute something comes up and he can't come.
I feel lost and I love him and miss him more than anything in the world.
What do I do?? What do I say??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 11:54am
Well, first of all, good for you for getting out of the abusive relationship. You should be proud of yourself. As for George, if he has a girlfriend, then he's not on the market, and you need to forget dating him. You're not being fair to his girlfriend to be trying to steal his attention away from her, and you're not being fair to yourself letting yourself get emotional about a man who isn't available to love you and only you. As far as moving on and dating other guys, I don't know how long it's been since you're break up with your ex, but you need to make sure that it's been enough time, and that you're emotionally ready to start dating again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 11:20pm
George is right in saying that "you need time to heal", he cares for you, but he knows that you're not ready to be with him. You appear to want George with you and your son in a relationship, but you have not healed from the abuse you allowed to happen with your son's father. Jumping into a relationship with George will only be damaging to both of you. You have baggage from the previous relationship and you seem want to be taken care of. In your place, I'd live life with your son, get involved in activities and get into therapy. Learn to love and live with yourself. Value your own company and yourself. When you're emotionally healthy allow George to come into your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:39pm

Dear MGR-

Read the road signs- DETOUR AHEAD! Your love interest has a girlfriend. Yes, he helped you when you needed it. Yes, he was there for you. Yes, he did say some things to make you think ya'll may have a chance. But you must realize this: you deserve nothing but the best- 101% pure admiration from your man. A man worthy of your love will give you nothing short of that. Yes he's out there. So don't settle for less in the meantime. Use this time to take care of yourself- do whatever makes you happy. Think of a dream you had as a child and work to make it come true. It is only when you are truly happy with yourself that you will find the perfect mate. It's the Law of Attraction. If you become the person you want to be- you'll find the person who loves you for who you are. Don't think that just because he helped you out, that he's your Mr. Right.

Take his kind words, and your new found freedom and take the world by storm! You should be so proud of yourself for taking a proactive approach and ditching the bad guy. Don't ruin your progress by letting your heart guide you to a taken man.

The harsh reality is this:
If he really loved you he would be with you, period. And most importantly...

A man with a girlfriend is not your Mr. Right. No matter what he said, no matter what he did. He HAS a girlfriend... So, pull back on the road and keep looking- he's on the horizon.

Love,

Savannah

www.ontheroadtomrright.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:27pm
think about your child. it's s/he who needs your attention now. you're a mother and a role model. i don't mean to preach, but getting in and out of relationships may not be the best way to raise a child. best wishes.