dont know what to do
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| Thu, 05-05-2005 - 6:03pm |
HI yall,
I dont know where to start? I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. And i just recently found out that he slept with my bestfriend. ive been bestfriend with this girl for 8 years now. Needless to say i confronted the both of them, come to find out that i was in the house when they had sex! (i was sleeping they were in the computer room) I am so hurt because these are the two people i trust the most. my best friend all she said was that it happend and that she was sorry. but that she has been in love with him. i am living in her house because i just moved to this state with him and i just feel so betrayed!
he has cried to me and pleaded to me non stop but i just dont have it in my heart to forgive him. i cant even write anymore i cant stop crying

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Hugs. Can you move back home? Is there anyone else you can stay with? I would seriously consider moving back home.
My bf was cheated on by his xw with his x-best friend. As a guy, his revenge was finding a hotter chick. HOwever, as a woman, I can feel your pain.
The choice is yours, but it sounds liek it's time for you to move on from the both of them. Hugs.
~pineapple_girl
If you can't forgive either one, and continue a r'ship with either, then your only choice is to move on, anyway you can. Like I said, I would suggest moving back to where it was you came from. If that's not possible, I'd start looking for a new roommate.
I know your heart is breaking, in more ways than one, but unless you can forgive, then all you can do is move on.
Hugs. There's not much I can say that'll help.
If you need/want, there's a board called Betrayed Spouses, maybe that can help you.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery
Or there's also, Healing AFter Betrayal: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlhealingaft
~pineapple_girl
I am moving out, so that is that with that. But what do yall think i should do about my boyfriend. should i forgive him and if i do what terms should it be under?
Hugs to you sandra_lagoon!
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Choosing to forgive him is your choice. And under what terms? I'm not sure. There are a few other Affair boards, and they have many ppl on there who have stayed married/together. I would seriously go there also to ask that same question.
I can't help you with this one, because I could never forgive either one of them.
Good luck.
~pineapple_girl
I read your post and my heart hurt 4U. I'm so sorry u have to go through this pain. The worse part of this kind of pain is that it will only go away with time. My advise on the situation is as follows.
Your best friend is messed up!!!!! However, friends don't come with guarantees so let her be. I had a best friend who did awful things and i was like oh she doesnt know better but you know what 7 years later we stopped being friends and i'm happy! Me & her were sororoity sisters & lived together & she was just selfish & shady. Don't think u stand alone in that aspect. Some people are just like that...home wreckers! Screw her and let another good friend of yours step up to the plate of best friend!
Your boyfriend or ex is a pig! I mean how disrespectful but then again is there any respectful way to cheat? Um no! What he did was not right but atleast he is sorry about it & not like whatever. I don't think you should decide on what u need to do just yet. Let yourself kick into survival mode. Get out of ur bestfriends house & clear ur mind. Don't take calls, just think it out. Only u will know what u can & can not handle. I would say leave him but in ur shoes I would leave & then probably hear him out & give him hell for months. I'd keep him on such a short leash it would be ridiculous. NO ROOM TO EVER CHEAT AGAIN! However, since i have done that in the past I can honestly say it's not healthy. If you did go back to him know that u are not the only women to have ever taken back a cheating man. Also know that ur in ur right frame of mind to chose to turn away & never look back as well. I say leave him & see if he turns to her (ur ex best friend)That will be the real test BUT can ur heart handle that? Best of luck and Hugs!
Many hugs to you! What a nasty situation your friend and bf have put you into.
I agree with the other posters. Get away from them both for awhile. Your friend is no friend at all. They both did something extremely selfish - they got what they wanted. Now it is your turn to get what you want. You will need space, time and silence to figure that out.
Forgiveness. You forgive someone for your sake, not for theirs. If you "forgive" him now, you may be doing so to ease the pain of the situation or ease his pain/emotions. Screw that. He is a big boy, he made his choices and must now live with the consequences. I would hate to see him perceive your forgiveness as dismissing his blame/guilt. Until you can truly forgive him with your whole heart, don't do it. For me forgiveness took months, if not years.
Good luck to you!
HI YALL,
THANKS ALL FOR YOU ADVISE. I HAVE SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT AND DECISIONS TO MAKE. AS TO THE LAST POST I READ, IT DOES NOT MAKE ME IN THE LEAST BIT HAPPY TO HAVE TO END A FRIENDSHIP. i KNOW YOU HAD MENTION THAT YOU HAD ENDED A FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE OF SELFISHNESS AND SHADINESS BUT I THINK WE ALL HAVE THAT IN US AND WE ALL COULD SAY THAT AT ONE POINT WE ARE GUILTY OF IT. I AM GOING TO END THE FRIENDSHIP WITH HER BECAUSE SHE BETRAYED ME! I FEEL LIKE HE IS NO DIFFERENT, AND IF I CANT FORGIVE HER FOR BETRAYING ME I WONT FORGIVE HIM EITHER. HE IS NO BETTER! SINCERE AND FRIENDS THAT ACTUALLY CARE ARE HARD TO FIND AND REPLACE. TRUE FIRENDSHIP IS WHEN YOU COULD ACTUALLY WORK THROUGH THING WORKABLE LIKE THE THINGS YOU MENTIONED. BETRAYEL ON THE OTHER HAND NO!
Just wanted to give you all the update on my weekend!
Well, I broke up with my boyfriend for good! I did a lot of thinking and he really does not deserve to have me, he begged me not to leave him, that he loved me and what not. i dont trust him or will ever. I told him just to stay with her, she wants to be with him and they deserve each other.
as to my friendship with her it is over! the betrayel is the biggest, like i said before anything i would had forgiven, she crossed the biggest line!
I am getting my own place, right now i am staying with a family member. One step at a time i guess, to get over this hurt!
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