Ex-wife sending V-card?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Ex-wife sending V-card?
2
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:02pm
I don't know what to do. My boyfriend of almost 2 years keeps telling me that he only has a good relationship with his ex because she'd go to court to ask for more child support money if she finds out he's in a commited relationship.
We've been having communication issues for the past few weeks and everything became a little weird. He started going out more with his fraternity friends and leaving me alone at home, sometimes even calling on the last minute saying he would be late and show up at 3 AM or not showing up at all.
I love this man but everything got worse when I saw in his mailbox that his ex-wife sent a V-Card, with some Bible verses, but still kind of romantic. I also saw on his planner that he was going to mail her a V-Card. They've been separated for 8 years.
I threw her card away and he never got it, but I made this huge mistake afterwards. I decided to send a birthday gift to his teenager daugher (whom I haven't met yet) and put my name and my boyfriend's name on the card.
He got so mad at me after I told him I sent the gift, even called me a "stalker" and since them he's been saying the needs a little space, he's been avoiding sleeping at my place. I'm lost, and I don't know how to act. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 5:00pm

Hi.. Sorry you are going through this. But I have to say, "let him go" to let him cool off. You did three (3) things that would piss him off.

(1) Sending a gift to his children when you haven't met (is a "no-no").
(2) Throwing out the card. (I don't why I think this, but I believe that throwing out mail addressed to someone else is a federal offense).
(3) Exposed your relationship with him to his wife who now can possibly ask him for more money.

Hasn't he exchanged cards with his ex-wife before? Sometimes men become much better friends with their wives after they are divorced. With your situation you have to accept that there is another women because there is a child. She needs to be involved.

What did you want him to do after doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 5:20pm

Here's a suggestion....stop being immature and unrealistic.

First, that's his CHILD...I don't care what age the child is....and you're over here sending gifts without his knowledge and signing his name and yours. Wow, the kid doesn't know you from adam and you've beeenin his life two years....and she doesn't know you exist......and you think it's appropriate to announce to her this way that you're in his life?

That's HIS child...and it's his business to tell his child about his life and he deems it appropriate as her parent.

He's got a "relationship' with his ex...he'll have a bond all his life - they share a child and that doesn't end the contact when she turns 18. There's weddings, grandbabies, and everything else to attend and involve in "together" - despite thier lack of couplehood.

Get a clue girl...the man is "dating" you, if he's living with you its out of convenience...but he's not "committed" to you as a partner in life.

He wants fun, sex, companionship, conversation on his terms, for his needs. But he's not interested in integrating you into his life overall.

I know you wnat arelationship - I know you're desperate to have identity and approval, I know you're absolutely terrified that you'll grow old alone and have noboody by your side.

But...the reality is you're alone right now. He's with you on his terms, for his needs.....and if he can't put you on the shelf at will, and play with you when he feels like it - you'll be discarded.

it'd be one thing if you had told him about the card from his ex that you took it up on yourself to destroy.....like you're thiking she didn't ask if he got it? It'd be another thing if you said you snooped thru his schedule book and found that he was planning to send her one as well?

Hello, doesnt the fact he "plans" and has a daily planner tell you that you're NOT on his agenda...everything important is in the book - you're not!

So instead, you take the one "vicious and obvious" route - you involve the child and he's telling you he wants space.

Right, he wants space between you - space to cool off before he ends this because you've gotten entirely to caught up in "being his woman" and you've forgotten how to be yourself - if indeed, you ever were.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com