Feel so lost, did I do the right thing?
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| Wed, 12-07-2005 - 2:55pm |
Two days ago I almost broke up with my bf of 5 months.. during this whole time I have never felt "in love" with him... I can't recall many times when a feeling of love for him have flooded over me... we don't have any common interests and it hasn't been that good with anything.. but he's been there.. I have had someone to go to...
We didn't break up because I couldn't tell him I've been thinking about this for so long.. it would just be too mean to him.. so he convinced me into thinking about it..
I said I would and I would call him when I want. He said he understands that he has been too negative, that he hasn't appreciated me enought etc and that he could change.. that he understands he has to do that.. I just don't know if that would work.. because I don't think that special feeling would be there anyway.. I don't think he's ever been in love, even though he's 23 years old.. but it doesn't sound like it, so he doesn't have anything to compare to.. but I do and I know it shouldn't feel like it has done in this relationship.. Am I too picky.. is there a thing like real connection that lasts? Should I be happy just for having someone?
It was so terrible teeling him this... he cried and I cried... It just feels so wrong to smack him in the face with all this.. maybe it would be easier for both of us if we gave it another try just to see that it really doesn't work.. what do you think??
I guess I just feel lonely now.. it feels like these 5 months gave me nothing except me feeling down for something that wasn't good.. Of course I like this guy, but not enough it seems.. we don't really have that connection..
This affects my studying and I have felt so bad today.. it's like I don't think I will ever fall in love again...
Any comments?

Marie
I don't completely agree that love develops over time. I mean I think that's partially true. But, I feel that there has to be chemistry and enough common interests in the beginning, otherwise the relationship is bound to fizzle and feel too much like hard work. I mean don't you want to feel like when you and your guy are in a crowded room, your in still in your own little world? But, of course even the most compatible and passionate relationships require hard work.
I promise you will find the right person in time and you won't have any doubts.
Marie
Small world - a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months essentially b/c I felt we were missing that certain spark. The decision was VERY hard b/c he treated me really well and on paper he was everything I was looking for. We got along great at first but after a month or so, I just didn't feel that we were growing closer. I was never super excited when I was around him and our conversations were never mind blowing. The break up was the right thing to do. I have been (and will again some day be) in a relationship where I was head over heels so I know that I'm capable of being in love and I know that this one wasn't right. Of course, now that it's cold and gloomy out, I do get lonely and thoughts like "did I make a mistake" sometimes loom in my head. But in the long run, I know this was for the best.
If after only 5 months you're already bored or unhappy in a relationship, it's time to get out. Relationships only get harder and more difficult with time. Right now you should be in your honeymoon period. I think deciding who you marry and spend your life with is the most important decision we all must make so even though it is hard to be alone sometimes, better to be alone and ready for the right guy then to be unhappily attached.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!
I think 5 months is plenty of time to have tested the waters and come to an honest decision about things. It is true that sparks are not always immediate but I don't think they would take this long to develop, even if they were slow. I think you did the right thing, if after this long you don't feel excited about him then it's best to end things so you can both move on. To me what separates a friend and a lover are the romantic feelings you feel for them and if you don't feel those he is essentially just a friend to you.
It's like I've told another poster, don't mistake general loneliness for missing him. I'm sure you miss aspects of his company but that doesn't mean you guys were happy together or would make a good couple. Do not get back together. I think you've given this enough time. Just get through the next few days/weeks and keep yourself busy. If after a while (i.e at least a month) you realize you do genuinely miss *him* then maybe contact him. Otherwise you create the on/off cycle that so many people get trapped into, they get back together because they're both lonely but then they feel trapped and unhappy again..