feeling lonely, incomplete and suicidal

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
feeling lonely, incomplete and suicidal
7
Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:18pm
Hello every1. I am writing today because I need some genuine advice. I have been with my partner for 5 years on and off but this time round a year solid.. I love him more than anything in this whole world. I actually didnt think that I could live without him. But now I am being forced to. My man has been in prison for the last 4 months (for a crime that he didnt commit, I know because I was a witness). He will not be getting out till june06 or the very latest november 06 (yeah thats a whole year) I have absolutely no problem waiting for him as I do not want to be with anyone else. Its just that its sooo hard not having anyone to talk to. Ladies you must feel me on this... you know when you have come in from a hard days work and all you want to do is hug your babe, that is something I cant do. When you just wanna muck about and have a laugh with your man- its something I cant do. No one can ever replace him but I feel lost now as I spent the whole of my relationship with him (every single day) and now that he is gone I dont quite know what to do with myself. I lost contact with most of my female friends during the year and I dont have any male friends as my bf stopped them all from calling so who can I really confide in. I just have so much inside me that I need to let out. I am a very strong person when it comes to things like fighting but when its something like not being able to be with my bf my best friend and my lover which he is all three, I just cant take it. Sometimes I feel suicidal to think that something may happen to him in there and I may never see him again.. I know a lot of people say they could never move on but eventually do. I cant even begin to see that ever happening-he is my soulmate. I speak to him once a week every thursday but now I wont get the chance to as I have to start working. I am just trying to keep myself as occupied as possible, but I cant seem to take my mind off him. The worst thing is that he is in there and questioning my love and faithfulness, which I can understand him being paranoid. But I could never cheat he is more than I need. please reply
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 12:17pm

If you are feeling suicidal, then you need to seek support in real life - be it a hotline or a local counselor. Just finding someone who you can talk to will help.


  • Suicide Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
  • Crisis
  • iVillage

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 11-28-2005
    Tue, 11-29-2005 - 3:01pm
    Thank you very much for your advice... maybe I chose the wrong word when I said suicidal... I didnt mean that I have actually ever attempted to hurt myself... I dont think that I would go that far as it would defeat the point coz I do wanna see my bf again... I meant that I just didnt see the point of living without him.
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 10-19-2005
    Thu, 12-15-2005 - 9:56am

    What you're going through is tough but please please don't hurt yourself! If you love him that much, then you should hang on and patiently wait for him. Also, committing something as horrible and selfish (yes, selfish) as suicide is NOT what true love is made of.

    So stop feeling sorry for yourself.. that emotion is powerful stuff and can be very dangerous too (believe me.. i know). Just think: One year in jail is not that bad. Think about all the ppl who get wrongfully jailed for decades.
    Now if it was more than a year, then maybe just maybe you could even look into the option of dating other ppl (afterall, if he loves you, that's what he'd want).
    But it's only a year. So hang in there. Look at it as a test of your love... and pass the test! Good luck! If you need any help, just write.

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-27-2005
    Thu, 12-22-2005 - 7:29pm
    I understand what you are going through...I know a lot of people say that they do , but I actually do. My man is and has been the center of my life for about two and a half yrs. I lost most of my friends and also don't feel like I have anyone real to confide in. Please don't hesitate to IM or e-mail me at toniwalker2004@hotmail.com ...You can make it through this.. don't do anything rash...I'm here if you really need someone to talk to.
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 08-07-2003
    Tue, 12-27-2005 - 10:48pm

    Dear Blueberry,
    I have been known to be brutally honest and to the point. I am sincerely compassionate to the feeling of loneliness, the ache of missing someone and feeling incomplete without your partner. Although, I must say your post sent up red flags all over the place. First of all, NEVER EVER should a man become the center of our exsistence or universe! Every girl should have friends of her own and YES I even mean male friends. Men should never cease their women to have male friends. My best friend beside my fiance is a male. If a man doe that it shows signs of jealousy and wanting control.
    It sounds to me that you have lost yourself. I'm sure you might believe you know who you are, but I mean truly love and know yourself as a whole. I am telling you that no man or woman can ever have a great relationship without being complete themselves first. You must know who you are entirely and what makes you happy before you can make someone else happy. You need to take this time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find some hobbies. Do things for just yourself. Find some great friends as your support system. You don't need to look at this as a sad time, but a time to get in touch with yourself. Not many women get months to do as they choose.
    Now that I'm engaged if I get an afternoon to myself I drink a glass of wine, read a good book and soak in a tub!! If my fiance is here I have to tend to his needs. You need to tend to yourself and find out what makes you and YOU ALONE happy. Then and only then can you make your man happy when that time comes.

    First step, you need to reach out to a friend to build a support system. Then make a short list of things you have wanted to do, but have put off. Start going down the list and enjoy yourself!!!

    BEST WISHES & HAPPY NEW YEAR,

    AprilShowers

    iVillage Member
    Registered: 06-14-2005
    Wed, 12-28-2005 - 2:32pm
    i agree with aprilshowers, never give up friends, they are ones who truly love you and will be there when you need them and to say a man is your center of your universe,yes everyone feels that way, but to actually have nothing left but him, you say your a strong person i think you need to work on your self confidence,
    call those old girlfriends, the ones you know will be there for you still even if it has been a long time, maybe one of your old guy friends, there more understanding then woman most of the time and apologize first off and then go from there, but dont just unload all of your baggage, to have a good friend you need to be a good friend. try to learn from this and think of this it could be worse, he could not be in your life at all.
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 01-04-2006
    Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:02pm

    Hey there

    I am new here but saw your post and like aprilshowers said, it sent up red flags all over the place.

    I know how you feel, I honestly do, I have been exactly where you are and I know how it can tear you apart. One thing I also know for sure is that aprilshowers is right that he never should have been able to 'make your male friends cease calling you' nor should he accuse you now of cheating.....how well does he really know you if he can accuse you of that. How much you love him comes through to me in just one email so he should know that too. Again it's a control issue

    Please be very careful.....love isn't about controlling your mate - and he should not do it.

    Talk to him and share your feelings, you deserve it

    I had to wait a year too and I know it's hard but you're not alone
    Lisa