Fool me twice, shame on ME.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Fool me twice, shame on ME.
2
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 1:16am

Hey everyone.

Here's my situation: I had a crush on this guy for years..he golfs at the golf course I work at. We had this amazing connection, he could make me smile like no other, & I just loved being around him, we just clicked. How often does that really happen? He was with someone last summer.. and this summer I was dating someone and he had just got out of a relationship. Well I ran into him one night at the bar and he confessed his feelings for me. I had no idea that our feelings were mutual. I decided to break things off with my current boyfriend to see where things would go with this guy, I mean I knew if we had such an amazing connection I'd always regret not seeing where it could go. Our relationship was awesome.. it moved a little too quick which I think was our problem. I loved him so much and I know he loved me.. well one drunken night we got into this huge fight and we broke up..( and we never ever fought so I knew something was up) Well I found out a few weeks later from a mutual friend that he went back to his ex.

It's been about 4 months that we have been apart. He called me the other night to talk. Things didnt work out again with her..He apologized for what happened and said that he felt like if he didn't give her another shot he'd always be saying "what if" As much as I hate him for not being honest with me, I can understand why he did what he did.. I did the same thing to be w/ him. So here we are now, neither one of us dating anyone and us talking again. He's being the sweetheart I fell in love with and I'm so happy to be talking to him again. He said he loves me and he knows he made the wrong choice & hates himself for hurting me like he did. I wanna take him back so much it hurts.

I'm scared tho for obvious reasons.. what will make him not go back to his ex again? I know the saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. And its haunting me. I know I have to talk to him about this, but I mean this is only the first time we've talked since the breakup.. so I want to take it easy for now I just kind of wanted a guy perspective on this. Any advice would be great, sorry this is so long.. but I appreciate anyone who is reading this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 8:41am

I think this is the best time for you to be talking to him about this. You do not want to hold on to it and things continue to get good and it happens again. I had to learn the hard way that it is ok to rock the boat. Don’t be afraid of how things will turn out and not find out the answers to questions you have especially if it is something that will haunt and or hurt you later down the road. Get it all out now about why he feels he will not go back to ex, what he wants in this relationship and so on. That keeps all the guessing out of the picture.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 10:54pm
I'm telling you this because you need to understand that men want their cake and want to eat it too. I don't care who they are..and I'm not just saying that because I've been scorned. Men don't like to be alone, and neither do women, but men...sweetheart do not like the thought of being alone, whether it be for a day, minute, or an hour...best believe it. So if he took her back before, he'll go back again. You may just be there to reprieve for the moment. Don't let him make the decisions..back off for a minute and understand why it didn't work out the first time...never be 2nd to anyone...it sucks to get pulled into that type of situation because once you are there, you end up being the one to get hurt. Best believe, if she wanted him back, he'd go! If you don't want to believe that, ask him. If he stutters when he answers, you got your answer.