frantic calls
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| Sat, 04-15-2006 - 9:15pm |
hi,
I wiil try to explain the situation as best as I can. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months. last week didnt go so well, i felt sad and depress, i needed constant reassuring and i think he's getting quite tired of that, i just keep asking him if he still loves and if everything is all right. He says to me that I should not question his love for me,
Today, everything was going fine, except that he should have called me and when he did not, I left him three frantic messages on his cell. On the fisrt one, I am moderately angry that he didnot, the second one is the worst, i talk about problem in our relationship that we should talk about it and i go on and on, the third one is an apology for the first two, saying that i love but sometimes i express it badly. The last time I call, it was 7h30 and he hasnt call me back, for which i dont blame him, but i am extremely worried. Did i ruined our relationship ? will he call back ? will he forgive me for my fisrt two messages which were spur of the moment stuff, me not thinking thoroughly. I dont know what to do, except wait, but i just need to know that he is not mad at me.

<< I dont know what to do, except wait, but i just need to know that he is not mad at me. >>
Don't do anything. Put your phone somewhere else, go out with a friend, pre-occupy yourself ... don't just wait for him ... but, do not contact him, either. You don't want to make matters worse, do you? Three calls is enough.
If he's mad, he's mad. He's entitled to his feelings. Let him come to you. If you can just be COOL about things, don't get needy or clingy or overly apologetic ... just remain calm and rational when he DOES call ... and by all means, do NOT say "you should have called sooner" when he calls. That is, unless you want to make things worse. You just have to be patient. Just let it pass. If you can do that, just leave things be ... he'll call. And how you respond when he calls will make all the difference. Just let him say what he needs to say, and keep your cool about things.
Good luck!
You really need to chill out and understand that if he is mad at you, it doesn't mean the relationship is over. Couples fight and get mad at each other, it happens but if you assume that he's going to leave you everytime he gets mad at you, you're right, you'll end up driving him crazy and he will leave you eventually. It's never fun when our partner is mad at us but you've already apologized, there is nothing more you can do except wait for him to cool off and contact you.
You say you just need to know he is not mad at you but I'm sorry, there's a good possibility he is mad at you and you need to learn to deal with that instead of freaking out and thinking he's going to leave you. If you can't learn to deal with that then there's a good chance you'll never find a lasting relationship.
Genealogical Musings
I'm thinking that the situation last week has a lot to do with what's happening now.
I'm curious to know why you were sad and depressed in the first place. Did you have the feeling that there was something wrong with the relationship? If so, what was your gut instinct telling you?
last week, i had a pregnancy scare, a 5 days-late scare. I am not pregnant, but we had the bad idea to discuss it before i did the test. And i was really emotional, so i wanted to keep it he wanted to discuss the possibilities, and i kind of reacted badly. After i did the test, he stayed with me all week end and he was really sweet and nice, telling me he loves me and that he will like to have kids with me someday. I was feeling depress and sad, because, as stupid as it sound, i would have like to have a kid with him. Eventually, we talk about it, and everything seem alright...but i still feel a bit insecure, i am insecrue when i am in a relationship, and he doesnt like it very much. He often told that i sould believe in his love for me...
he still hasnt call, we were suppose to go to my niece birthday this afternoon, but he didnt call. So he must be mad, but i havent no idea because i didnt speak to him since yesterday morning. He usually call. I left him yet another message, telling him that i didnt blame him for not calling me but that i would appreciate a call juste to know what's going on so that we could talk
please help i am so stressed out and anxious and so very afraid of losing him
Oh sweetie, you've scared him away!
Wanting to have his baby after only three months together is going waaaay too fast. Not only that but adding your insecurity issues into the mix and these terrible phone calls....It's no surprise that he's disappeared.
I think this would be a great time for you to address your own issues. Have a look at WHY you are so insecure in a relationship and look at making some changes. Look at WHY you'd be want to have a child to a man who you barely know (I know it feels like you really know him well, but after only 3 months, it's impossible to truly know him). And look at WHY you'd leave hateful phone messages and address that too.
For the record, it wasn't a bad idea to discuss what you would do in case of pregnancy before the test. You can't live your relationships avoiding all the hard questions! Until you start to address the bigger issues you won't truly know your partner.
If you want him back, you need to give him space. STOP calling him and don't even think about babies with him. And start some counselling. He may give you a second chance if he knows that you're addressing your issues.
But also accept the fact that he may not give you another chance. You've done some major damage and he may see the red flags and decide that it's just not worth the risk. Some people thrive on volatile relationships - but others (myself included) run from them.