Friends with Benefits or Future BF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Friends with Benefits or Future BF?
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 10:08pm

So I met this guy online. And well we had made plans to go out to low key bar to meet up for appetizers and drinks. Unfortunately, he had a small accident at work and was on a sick leave the week we were supposed to meet. I decided to go up to his house to just hang out meet up and just get to know each other. Things went great, until we got a tad bit drunk and things went from casual to me spending the night. I know WAY TOO FAST. But I now LIKE him A LOT and although we've seen each other a few times since then I'm afraid that maybe because of that first "date" he only sees me as a potential friend with benefits and not a future GF. We've only been seeing each other for about a month. I don't know when and how to approach him about this since I don't want to come off as trying to rush things if we're only getting to know each other now.

What do I do?

Avatar for purp2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 10:55am

Where have your meetings taken place since the first meeting? Is he treating you like a GF?

I think it's a huge mistake to go to a man's personal space unless you intend on being sexual. No matter how well you think you know this person after your "online" relationship. You didn't know this man. And the first impression he has of you is that you are ok with being sexual on a first date.

Not always a bad thing, just depends on what you are both expecting from this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 1:28pm

I think after one month, you yourself don't know he's a good friend or boyfriend material. You need more time too. Do you see any red flags?

I think the 3 month dating mark (not just hanging out at each others houses and sleeping over) will let you know whether to keep dating or to dump him.

I'd probably not worry too much about what he thinks right now, this early, but you make sure you're on alert of things that don't seem right and making sure he seems like good boyfriend material by getting to know him more. Let him take you on dates, and don't just go to his house and sleep over.

However, when people sleep over very soon before any real dating takes places it kind of hinders the whole girlfriend idea I think. Speaking from relative experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 7:42pm

Eminment, I slept with my hubby on the day we met. But I knew he didn't want me for just FWB because of two reasons:

1. The next day I asked him what he was looking for in terms of a relationship. He replied that he'd had enough of the single life and was looking to settle down and have a family. Of course, he didn't say he was looking to settle down with *me* but at least I knew that he wasn't just looking for a good time.

2. We went on dates. We went to dinner, movies, picnics, met each other's families and friends. In short, he TREATED me like a girlfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:49am

Here's the question to ask yourself:

Does he treat me special?

That's it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 1:00pm

With us girls, once we sleep with a guy, and have our hopes up, our feelings become WAY to involved. We spend too much time with a guy that's really never going to go anywhere. He's already told you that he only sees you as a "bed buddy" and nothing more. Take his word for it, because there's no hidden meanings, or what if's with this one.

Next time before you go out on a date, make sure the guy is at the same level you are in life, and has the same desires. Let him take you out, treat you right, and let him chase you. At that point you won't have to 2nd guess this guy and his intentions.

If you are hooking up everytime you see him, then that's all you are going to be to this guy and nothing more. You tell him your feelings, and he will disappear. Best thing for you is to drop him and put him on permenant ignore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 7:15pm
What's the update? Are you guys still together? How is it going? I just read your post and was going to answer but realized it was written a month ago.
Ruth Bailey
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 1:58am
Awwws. I like your story of how you two ended up together. =)