From friends to more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
From friends to more?
1
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 10:42am
here is the situation.....A year ago, he moved to another state. Right around the time he broke up with his GF of 10 years. (Btw, I am 28, he is 30). A month after he moved, she gets engaged. She happens to be one of my "friends" (although not any more bc as soon as she got engaged she dropped off the face of the earth and we no longer talk at all). SO he confided in me about thier relationship, and I confided in him about a crush I had on one of his best friends. So we became VERY good freinds for MONTHS, and I never thought anything of it. Then everyone started talking about how wonderful we are for each other, and his sisters and best friends would tell me that they wanted us to hook up. I was flattered. Again, MONTHS went by, we would talk on the phone for 2 hours at a time, about guys and girls were were seeing etc etc. Then things changed. We stopped talking about other people... His ex gets married, and we talk about that. He seems totally over it (It has been a year with NO communication between them). The conversations are less frequent, but when we do talk for 2 hours, we talk about us. Just recently, before he came to visit for thanksgiving, he told me how important it was to be friends with someone first before you get into a relationship, and how he thought I was special because of xyz..and then he said "hypopthetically speaking, what would you say if I asked you out to dinner when I came home for the holidays?" This was due to the fact that we were talking about friends turning into more than friends.....and how awkward it is for friends to date bc you don't want to ruin the relationship. I told him that if two people wanted to move a relationship forward, they had to spend some time alone, so if he asked me out, of course I would say yes. And he asked me that if I was interested if I would give the guys signalas (of course!) But then he insisted that you cannot discount going out in a large group. Ok ok, so he has been hurt and he is really slow.... Well, he came for the holiday, he called me once to tell me that our big group of friends are going out...that was it. He called me once! Last thanksgiving, we were on the phone every 30 minutes making plans to see each other. SO what the heck changed? I know I am definately falling for him....but why is HE acting all weird? Does he sense that I like him (even though I also told him that he needs to date other people so that if he finds Ms. Perfect, he will be able to recognize her). Or does he have feelings too but he does not know how to move to the next level and he is afraid of ruining the frienship? AND I told him that I would never make the first move (I know him, and I know that he would want to make the move first....besides, if he was ever ready, I don't want to be the pursuer, I want to be pursued!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 3:48pm
You don't have to make the first move but can always encourage him. *wink* Give him the come-and-get-me look, talk to him like you're supposed to be his only girl, touch his knee. Go search "flirting" on Google, will ya? Seems like he doesn't have much practice flirting or asking a girl out if he was in a 10 yr relationship. Be a friend and support him pursue you. Be confident after all you already are friends. I wish you happiness in your love life.