friends w/ benefits ?
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friends w/ benefits ?
| Thu, 05-04-2006 - 10:02am |
I hope someone can help me with this. I started to have realationship with my best friend, we met at work 5 years ago and hit it off pretty quick. We became friends at work only then things started to change about 2 years ago, i realized that i fell in love with him but kept it to myself and a few close friends. So one day i was talking to him and told him how i felt and he said he knew for a while about my feelings. So everything started to change from there but slowly, he would call me more often cause we didnt work together anymore, and we became better friends. So one night i called him and asked him if he had dinner yet, and he asked me if i wanted to come over with the dinner i made .and so i went there and had a few drinks and soon we were all over each other. We had only oral sex and it was great cause i hadnt been with anyone for quite awhile. So fast foward to now, We are still getting together every once and awhile but not as much and here is the problem he wont have intercourse with me we do everything else but have real sex.So ive asked him why and he always says hes to drunk or he wont say anything at all.I have to say all the time he wants me to come over hes had a few drinks which i didnt have a problem with at first but now i dont know? I know this isnt normal behavior for a man but and a few times ive asked if he wanted me when hes sober and he says yes , but the only time he calls me for sex its when hes drunk! Now I know i shouldnt go over there when hes like that but i cant help myself hes so hard to resist. So what can i do to have him make love to me the right way ? so if anyone out there has any suggestions please feel free to let me know.

This is only my guess, but maybe it's because you're NOT his girlfriend. Sadly, to too many guys oral sex isn't sex (thanks Clinton) but on the same par as kissing. Sooner or later you've got to decide for yourself what you will and will not put up with. As it is now, you're willing to settle for what he's giving you because you keep answering the call.
Just something to keep in mind though, guys used to have to pay for what you're handing over for free. Guys used to have to commit to get the goodies, now they only need to call. Just like a child, they will do what they're allowed to get away with.
Dear cclaudiab:
I'm sorry that you are having difficulty resisting this guy. If I read you correctly, he calls you infrequently, only when he's drunk, and then will not have regular sex, only oral sex. Sweetie, this is a booty call from a guy who won't give you what you need and want.
My question to you is, "Why do you put up with this?" Truly, this is not your childhood dream, is it? Walk away! Date other guys, and don't give up your gifts. Don't be low-hanging fruit for guys who will take from you and not give back or provide an emotional base for you.
Have you ever visited the Mars Venus board? There are hundreds of women out there who are trying to build their self esteem from user loser guys like yours. Be high up apple girl! beyondmeasure
Edited 5/4/2006 4:23 pm ET by dansfoxywife
Dear ccc:
I've been there, honeybunch, I know how tough it is. Like you, I believed my FWB was my FRIEND first. But, you know what? He wasn't. He didn't care for me or about me and didn't treat me like a friend.
The bottomline for me was I loved him, he didn't love me. I'm still "friends" with the guy, but not with benefits since mid-Sept. Just always know, the power is yours. Your place on the tree isn't his to make of you, it's yours. I took myself off the ground and put myself at the top of the tree. I'm out of purple-shirt, back-burner status and out of his closet and off his stove altogether.
I believe, ccc, that REAL love is trying to get to us, but can't make it through when we've got ourselves in these muddled half relationships. Come out to the mars venus boards--there's so much love and support for us out there! The women there have helped me rebuild my self respect....Beyondmeasure
Dear ccc:
Definitely, keep the friendship--it sounds like a good one. Step back from the sex, especially your pursuit of him for sex. Enjoy the friendship quality. Who knows? Perhaps he'll want to initiate sex. I would just caution you to use your wisdom if he does.
You deserve a man who will love and support your emotions and will be devoted to you. You deserve a deep and loving connection that flows freely between you and a man. Maybe this guy can fit the bill. beyondmeasure